1 “Self Care is Selfish”
I’m not sure how this became a thing for moms, but it is the furthest thing from the truth. Self Care is not only vital for our wellbeing as moms… it’s biblical! From the author of Proverbs 31:17 detailing the ways a woman equips herself with spiritual, mental and physical strength for her“God give task”, to Jesus inviting us in Matthew 11:28 “…to come to Him and He will give us rest”… we are encouraged to care for ourselves.
Self Care is essential, and is exactly what we need in order to show up in the areas that matter most as moms; in our families, our homes, in our careers/businesses, our churches, our marriages and in life! We must take the time to pour into ourselves spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. According to the Oxford Dictionary “Self” + “Care” is literally “the provision of what is necessary for your wellbeing, health, welfare, maintenance and protection”. From spending time with Jesus, therapy, rest, setting boundaries… it is all essential… and there ain’t nothing selfish about it.
2. “Asking for help means I’m not doing a good job as a mom”
Been there, felt that! And with over 73% of millennial moms having reported feeling like they were failing their families… I know I’m not alone. I recently shared a similar sentiment with my therapist, and she responded with the following:
“asking for help and getting the support you need isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom and strength. You have lifelines all around you… and you will only benefit from using them”.
Listen, asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Asking for and receiving the support you need… whether in therapy, from trusted loved ones, hiring help for childcare or food services… it’s all sign of strength, resourcefulness and grace. Furthermore, studies* have proven countless times that receiving help from others (a form of self care) not only Improves your ability to cope with stressful situations, but it also helps to alleviating the effects of emotional distress as well as enhances self esteem (confidence). Momma, you were not meant to be and/or do this mom-thing alone. So start asking for and accepting the support you need… it will literally change your life!
3. “Stress, overwhelm, & burnout are the trifecta of mom life… we just have to deal with it”
I have no idea who is spreading this venomous lie, but I came to set the record straight… YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIT IN “The struggle”. Will you feel stressed, and experience overwhelm as a mom… yup! In a recent study on the State of Motherhood over 93% of millennial moms reported occasionally experiencing burnout. So, yes… it’s a real thing! But you don’t have to “just deal with it”. That is the furthest thing from the truth.
You can… and have every right to… get the help you need so that you are able to make the changes that best serve you and your family. You can choose to do things differently, and in a way that allows you to experience grace and flow in your family, home and purpose!
Yes, harmony is a real thing and it can totally be your experience if you’re willing to do the work. This may mean going to therapy, or hiring a guide to help you create a guilt-free plan of action for self care, or maybe you just have to stop saying “yes” to EVERY request that comes your way (overcommitting is a thing and it will run you into the ground if you don’t check it).
All this to say… you always have a choice, and you can indeed live life as a mom that excites and serves you without always feeling stuck and overwhelmed. You don’t have to just deal with it.
4. “As long as the kids are happy… that’s all that matters”
I know this may not sit well with everyone, but your kids’ happiness (which is fleeting) is not all that matters. Raising kids who are emotionally fit, and capable of understanding and processing their emotions, matters. Teaching kids how to set and honor boundaries, even the ones you’ve set, matters. Helping your children understand that they will not always get their way, or always be happy, matters. Letting them know they can talk with you, even when they are mad/upset with a decision you’ve made, matters. Holding space for your children so that they know they are loved, seen and heard… whew… it matters!
And In the midst of all that we do for our children, our families, in our marriages and our home, do you know who is at the center of it all? You. Don’t you ever overlook just how vital and valuable you are.
Taking care of yourself, matters!
Prioritizing your wellbeing, matters!
Honoring your marriage, matters!
Making time to pursues your dreams, goals, and the lifestyle that serves you and your family… yup it all matters!
So no, your kids’ happiness isn’t all that matter. Let’s shift the narrative to what all matters!
5. “Kiss the intimacy in your marriage good-bye now that you have kids… that’s just how it is”
The truth is, your marriage most likely will change after having children… especially if you’ve had children since the pandemic. But a major lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is that we don’t have to settle for “that’s just how it is”. Especially when we want things to be better. Marriage in and of itself is work, and when you add in little people… it can be a whole lot. But the truth is… It will work, if you work it. Communication is so critical, as is intentionally making the time to spend time together and date each other!
What I know is that intimacy and support go hand in hand. But getting the support that we crave for as moms doesn’t just drop out of thin air (for most of us). As much as I would love for men to “just get it” and know how to support us as moms, they don’t. They’re not mind readers. So, we have to use our voices to let them know exactly what that support looks like. Most men are ready to rise to the occasion, but they don’t know how. Or they may assume that because you haven’t said anything, what they are doing is enough. We have to communicate.
Listen, ever since my husband and I decided to have our weekly “D-Day”... where we discuss what’s working/how to support each other, make decisions that will best serve our family, and date… our marriage has gotten even stronger. We both feel seen, have a specific time of the week to be heard and express it all, and my husband is learning how to support me as a mom because I’ve been clear about what I need (and vice versa). And let me tell you… when you feel seen, heard and supported… the loving and intimacy is 🔥🔥🔥… yes even with children.
It’s not perfect, nor is it easy… but it is always worth it. You can always choose to do the work to change and make things better.
It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…
Are you overwhelmed?
Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business? Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?
If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!
The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!
5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!
Click To learn all about it!