encouragement · Mommy Life

If You’ve Ever Doubted Yourself as A Mom, This is for You!

That feeling of “am I the right mom for this”, crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

If you’re a mom, I’m sure that you can agree that The days are long, and the tantrums often seem just as great as the triumphs. But it is in those moments,  that I’ve learned to press in even more to the ever-loving arm of my Savior and the TRUTH of His Word! Prayers, weeping and my full surrender merge to help me see more clearly that all that is happening in my life is happening FOR ME not TO ME.

I am the mom that my little one needs! Being her momma is a major part of my divine assignment, and when I feel weak… HE Is STRONG! He is my strength, my Strong Tower… my fortress… a very present help ALWAYS! My confidence as a mom, comes directly from Him!

So with this revelation in mind, and my heart fully opened to receive, that Lord spoke this word to me and I just knew I needed to share this with you!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care

5 Specific Ways My Husband Supports Me | #MommySupport

I want to be very clear, that none of what I am about to share… just happened. This a testament to my commitment to doing the work necessary to communicate and partner with my husband in order to  receive the support that I need from him.  I am a firm believer that, in most instances, you have not because you ask not. And when you ask, you ask amiss because you let the narratives of others and even your ego get in the way (that was totally me, but I’m breaking free and learning).  My Mommy Support Strategy works every single time… and the life I’m living is proof. As you read, don’t look at this as a means to compare, but rather be inspired that it is truly possible for you to receive the love and support that you need.

 

1. Self care day/moments

I talk about this most often. But when it comes to getting my time… I get my time and my husband is the major reason why. He and I both understand he is not just some babysitter, but a loving caring and present father. And as ready as he was to step in and give me a break, he really din’t know exactly how to approach me, because I was literally making it seem like I could do it all. It wasn’t until my bathroom breakdown that I finally opened up and said to him “Babe I need a serious break… away from our little lady”. (you can click here to read the full story).

It’s important to note that I didn’t come at him with anger, or regret… but with vulnerability and a desire for empathy.  How we communicate is most times more important that what we communicate.  I left all the attacking and “shoulda coulda woulda” at the door, because that would not have helped my situation. I was overwhelmed, and needed my husband’s support. So  I simply kept the focus on me, my needs and making my request. And that was the birth of my “Selfish Sunday”… which has been affectionately renamed… “Daddy & Dream Day”. Every month looks different, but every month hubby ensures that I get my time.

 

2. School Drop offs/pickup

I’ve graduated into a new level of the “mommy leagues”, which means more things to do. School “Drop offs” and “pick ups” are a part of our everyday lives now, and before my little one started her first day, I came up with a plan so that I wouldn’t have to carry the weight of it all.  I set aside some time to chat baby-free, so that hubby & I  could discuss this new season of our lives as parents and come up with a plan that would work best. I started by sharing just how much his love and support mean to me, and presented my thoughts on how it could work for us. I was also super clear about what all this would mean for me mentally, as well as for him and our little one (who has been in desperate need of playtime with other little people lol).  Now we have a set schedule, and it’s been so good for all of us. Dream gets extra time with her daddy, while I’m able to get extra time just for myself.

You’d be surprised just how freeing it is to share those everyday responsibilities.

 

3. Morning/bed time routines

It took some time for me to even figure out how to get to an actual morning/bedtime routine for our little lady. And once I did, I was quick to let my hubby know how we could share this task. Everything was cool at first, until my husband had to tell me about myself. He basically told me he felt like he couldn’t really step up and help the way he wanted to, because he felt like I was always there hovering, directing and redirecting. And he was totally right. Instead of taking advantage of these precious moments to myself, I found myself all up in his space, trying to make sure he did everything the way I wanted it done.

And if I’m being honest… all the hovering and even nagging was exhausting!

So I swallowed my pride, let go of my ego, and let the brother do his thing.

And let me tell you the real tea!!!  Once I got out of the way (literally) and let him help in his own way… his eyes were opened and he got a better understanding of all the things I had on my plate.  Yes, empathy. He got a personal dose of my “mommy load” and it has changed the game! For a lot of dads, seeing is believing. They have to experience some things in order to fully understand why their love and support is so important.

Married mommas,  allow your husband to help you!  And when he rises to the occasion… step aside and let him help in his own way.

 

4. He Provides

This man is going to do everything in his power to make sure we are good. He takes pride in how he provides for me and our family, and I so appreciate all that he does for us. God is good! I also had to learn that I can appreciate how my man provides for me and still welcome  his support in other areas, especially as a SAHM.  I had to learn that it is not an “either/or” conversation.  I had to learn that I can celebrate those qualities and the ways my husband supports me outside of our home, while also expressing the areas where I’d love that support to be more tangible in our home.

It’s not always an easy conversation, but I know first hand the power of prayer, especially for the words to say when having difficult conversations. I also know the power of making deposits and celebrating the ways in which my husband shows up for me, while also being clear about the other things I need in this season.

Don’t be afraid to have those difficult conversations. The support, and breakthrough that you desire are often found on the other side.

 

5. He’s committed to our “D-Day”

Once a week hubby and I sit down for a very open heart to heart discussion about all the things that concern us… our marriage, our child, our goals as a couple and individually. This practice has been so effective and the topic such  a “fan-fave” I created a free cheat sheet to help you create your own. Grab it here!

At first it was a bit awkward, but over time we got into a rhythm and there is no turning back! We’ve now gotten to the place where we can discuss anything… ANYTHING… especially when we have a quiet baby-free moment.

So what exactly do we do on “D-Day“? Let me tell you…

WE DISCUSS 3 specific things:
– What’s working ( in our marriage, family, finances, individually)
– What’s not working (areas to improve)
– How we can support each other, as we grow

WE DECIDE on what’s best for our family together:
– How we will focus our attention for the coming week
– One specific way to show up/support each other

WE DATE and enjoy time to reconnect as a married couple
– We make the time to step away from the busyness of work, life and parenting for a few hours & reconnect with each other! Whether out for a lunch date, to the park, movies, or in house for some “TLC” lol, it’s always just what we need and then some!

 

I’ve learned that having a husband isn’t just a badge of honor… it means I have a partner in life! He is an amazing father, and I’m learning how I can do my part to ensure I’m not shutting him out or down when he’s looking to rise to the occasion, because one thing about my husband he is always ready to step in and support!

I’m learning, asking and receiving!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Let’s go momma… and be sure to share with a momma who needs this!

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

Protect Your Peace | 9 Things I’m learning as a Married Mom

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If if works for you… then do you , boo! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

How To Make Time for Yourself As a Busy Mom

Between laundry, dishes, meal prepping, diaper changes, potty training, school pickups/drop offs, distance learning, home schooling, sports, creating content, showing up for in person work, working from home, loving on your kids, pouring into your marriage, spending time with Jesus, caring for sick loved ones, showing up for your friends and family, all while dodging all these pandemic germs…

It can be EXTREMELY difficult to find the time for yourself.

Like, you just need a serious break!

Believe me I get it! As some one who has mastered the art of Self Care, having created a lifestyle of getting time for myself not just One Sunday a Month, but finding the time every single week… I recently found myself unable to get away as usual. The past few weeks have been wildly unpredicatable!

So today, I want to share a bit of my Self Care Strategy that has helped me, and the moms I work with, to ensure that we are able to get a break…even when we’re short on time, or when things don’t go as planned! Because let’s face it… we’re no good to anyone else if we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So we have to learn to make the time! Let’s go!

 

Get clear about what self care actually is to you, and indentify who is there to support you!

You first have to understand what Self Care is and the begin to figure out what all you enjoy.  I share this before Self care is personal and is what ever you deem necessary to care for yourself… and fill your cup spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. Knowing what you enjoy, and what fills your cup is the first place to begin. Once you get an idea of what all you enjoy and/or need… ask for the support from your spouse or a trusted loved one. Whether it’s your spouse offering to step in, or someone from your church family who you’ve grown to love… There are people who have offered to help and are just waiting for you to accept… take them up on it… whether an hour or a 4… accept the help. It may be a bit awkward at first to let go and accept the help, but I promise you the benefit of actually getting a break to recharge, will far outweigh those feelings!

Know your schedules!

When was the last time you sat and looked over your schedules? (Yes, “schedules”, because we already know that our schedule is not the only one that we have to manage or consider when it comes to getting time for ourselves).  But seriously, when was the last time you looked at it? Not just at all the things you have going on , but the actual times when you can get a break? Days off from work? Nap times? Lunch hours? Morning or evening time? Now I can already hear most of you saying, “girl, I already know my schedule and there just isn’t any time for me”. Then I would challenge you to look at what is filling your time, to the point that you can’t even pour into yourself. Ask yourself, “what am I doing that I can either stop, or put on hold in order to get time for myself”? When we say yes to everything else, we are in essence saying no to ourselves. Saying you can’t pour from an empty cup is one thing, doing the work and adjusting your boundaries to ensure that you live this out, is where the magic happens.

Schedule yourself… write your time on your calendar!

we are so good at adding everything and everyone else to the schedule, but ourselves. From the kids’ checkups, doctor’s appointments, sports practice, holidays, trips… we are religious about making sure it’s all written in.  But when was the last time you added yourself to your schedule? Yes, actually scheduled and wrote in “Mommy Time” or any other indicator that you were going to step away to enjoy time for yourself?

This was a major self care flex for me, and it all started when I pre-planned and scheduled my first “Selfish Sunday”, which wasn’t even a full day at the time. The first time I scheduled myself, it was only 3 hours, but it was everything I didn’t even know I needed! Furthermore actually scheduling myself (ie writing on the calendar), ensured a few things for me:

    1. It was a reminder to myself that I needed to care for myself and something to look forward to.
    2. It was a reminder to my family (my hubby) that I was going to be away, so he didn’t make other plans.
    3. writing it down helped me to actually honor my commitment to myself (accountability)!

And from there, I’ve not only enjoyed a selfish Sunday for over the past year and a half, but I’ve also learned to add in all those moments for myself in between! Do yourself a favor and add your time to your schedule. I don’t care if it’s just an hour… get into the habit of seeing “Mommy time” on your calendar, and honoring that commitment to yourself!

Embrace the “mini moments” when things don’t go as planned!

Let’s face it, sometimes with the best of intentions, things do’t go as planned and I know firsthand just how difficult it can be to adjust when the unexpected things interfere with your time for self care.

STORY TIME!!!

I recently had a trip planned to spend a few days in Florida with one of my best girlfriends, and I followed my strategy to the letter! I checked the schedules. I communicated and got the support that I needed. Hubby took time off from work, and I made sure to  write “mommy getaway” on my schedule every month leading up to my trip (to remind hubby that I was going to be away)! I kept myself safe, and found myself out here doing backflips in these streets and supermarkets to avoid getting COVID. Listen, I had everything prepared so that my family would survive while I was away… Like I wasn’t playing! Everything that I could control and handle… I did just that.

Well Fast forward to the day before the trip. I put my little lady to bed, and opened my phone to check the weather in Florida one last time to make sure I didn’t pack anything too heavy. And to my surprise I opened the weather app to a “Winter Storm Advisory”. I didn’t pay this alert any mind, I said “surely the Lord will hold this snow so that I can get to  Florida safely. I did too much to get here, ain’t nothing stopping me from getting on my flight!

And I went to sleep, so blissfully unaware of what was about to take place!

Why, oh WHY did we get hit with over 12” of snow, that not only caused me to cancel my trip… but this storm knocked out our power for 4 days, and took our heat and cell service for good measure! Talk About hurt! The Same 4 days that I planned to get my time, turned into me at home with my family in survival mode because  the main road where we live was completely back up. The roads were so bad that some drivers were stranded for almost 24 hours! LAWD, it coulda be me! Oh and did I mention our home is electric! And all of this was happening… at home… with a TODDLER! WHEW.

(I’m going somewhere, I promise)

Once the roads were safe, we made our way to a hotel nearly an hour from our home.  As soon as we all were showered, fed, and settled I looked at my husband and  said “I need a minute” and he understood exactly what I meant. I needed a break!!

So I grabbed my stuff, grabbed my EarPods, and found a little nook in the lounge of the hotel where I could sit unbothered in peace. I sat there for a little over an hour.  And although this wasn’t the 4 days of fun-filled “me time” I had planned to enjoy that week… I embraced it nonetheless… because it was exactly what I needed in the moment! I literally chose to use the time I had to take a break, instead sitting and  lamenting what was no longer available to me!

That’s the power of the “mini moments”; the moments that are often unplanned, but when you need it you know it and it’s in your best interest to take full advantage. GET YOUR TIME SIS! These mini moments are those times when you do whatever you can to slip away just to process, check-in with ourselves, and regroup in the moment. This can look different depending on the moment, situation and the person… but it’s all a form of self care.

Sitting in the car for a few extra moments, going for a walk to clear your head, listening to a playlist the will help shift your mood, taking a shower, watching your fave show, waking up to get some time in the morning before the house wakes up, maximizing nap times & lunch breaks…SITTING IN A HOTEL LOUNGE IN PEACE!

It all counts!

So ask yourself…”When things don’t go as planned, how can I still get a moment for myself”?

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Life · Self Care

I was on my Fourth Load of Laundry When it Hit Me…

I was on my fourth load of laundry when it hit me…

I hadn’t had a real break from my child, or moment to myself since that huge winter storm hit our area a few weeks ago. And more importantly, hubby was home and we didn’t have anywhere to be!

Chiiiiii!  I said, “Theresa, surely you know better!!! This is your moment… this is your time… You’re not throwing away your shot”!

So, I got myself all the way together to seize the moment. I dropped that basket of laundry right on the steps (not even realizing I’d done that until I saw that  it was in the background of this photo lol), showered, threw on my new fave plaid “Shacket”, took a few pics, and ran out the door for a much needed BREAK from it all!

It was a fabulous 2 hours of “me time” that gave EVERYTHING is was supposed to gave… and then some!!

And I’m soooo glad I allowed myself to put that laundry down to take a break, because less than 24 hours later… I found out that our amazing babysitter was exposed to COVID and wouldn’t be available to come watch Dream for a week(😭😭😭), ANDDDDD hubby was under the weather. So I was up in this house… doing this toddler thing by myself for a few days! Whew!

I’m sharing this real life moment to remind you…

most times, that “task” CAN WAIT!

Whether it be at home, with your family, at work, in your business…etc.

Now I’m not saying “oh just leave your home in shambles and let your family fend for themselves”, although at times even that is necessary for your mental well being. (real talk)

What I am saying is that doing everything else first, and only taking a breather for yourself AFTER it’s all done will leave you overwhelmed, depleted and feeling a great deal of burn out.  I mean let’s be real… as a mom there will always be something else to do. ALWAYS. We’re never completely finished doing all the things.

More importantly… taking time for yourself (i.e. self care) is vital to your endurance, and well being  as a mom. So put that thing on hold and take a moment for yourself. Whether 30 mins or 2 hours,

Talk to God

Listen to that playlist

Take that shower

Go for that walk

Run that errand

Schedule that session

Grab that coffee

Sit in that Car in Silence

Beat that face

Take that nap

Do what you need to do, and take that break!

I know it would be amazing to have this perfect life where all of our ducks are in a row, our kids are always happy, our home is always in order, and we get to go on weekly self-care mommy trips, to luxuriate on a tropical Island while our husbands or trusted loved ones take care of the kids while we’re away, but that’s not real life for the majority of us.

So when you know you need a break, take full advantage of the moments in front of you to fill your cup; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally.

Sometimes you just have to look at that task in front of you and say, “this can wait, I need a moment”

And when you do… take it, and run! lol

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

I did All of this not even realizing my truth was photo-bombing me the whole time! I thought to crop the laundry basket out of the photos and video, but then I realized this is real life for so many of us as moms! So here we are, me all done up and ready to run a few errands to get a break, and a whole load of DIRTY laundry just sitting there cheering me on… like “Go girl, I ain’t going nowhere! I’ll be right here when you get back”!

Welcome to my world! Ha!!

 

Momma, You’re not crazy… YOU NEED A BREAK!!!

 

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Feeling like you’re going to LOSE IT, because  you’re struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click here to learn all about it!