Married Life · Married Moms

Let God Handle It!

Okay, so listen… I don’t often share such fresh lessons. I usually like to let things marinate for a bit. But I just couldn’t move on until I posted this (couldn’t even sleep). Many times when we pray for God to change our loved ones (especially our husbands), and pray with a sincere and open heart before God, He will often reveal what needs to change in us. WHEW… SOBERING!

A word of advice… just let God begin that good work in **you**!   Be Encouraged, and if God tells you to “Let it go“, be obedient… and let HIM handle whatever “it” is!

 

Love what you’re seeing… be sure to subscribe and most importantly SHARE with a momma who needs this reminder!

 

🔥🔥Check out these other great posts🔥🔥

‼️ Momma, Do you Have the Capacity? :

‼️ Real Secrets for a Thriving Millennial Marriage:

‼️ Every Momma needs a “D-Day”

✨ Connect with me on IG: @theresa_ _dennis

Married Life · Married Moms · Mommy Life

We Don’t Talk About This Enough as Moms!

Have you found yourself trying to “keep up” with everyone and everything in your life as a mom?  Whether consciously or subconsciously… you might have even convinced yourself that you’re not doing enough… or need to do/be more to prove your value as a mom, a wife and a woman?

Well I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, as I’ve had to shatter some pretty limiting and toxic thinking over the past few years regarding my motherhood… and I hop today’s “Car Chat” encourages you to do the same!

Today… we’re chatting about our “capacity”! Click below for my thoughts and encouragement! 

 

Does this resonate with you? Be sure to like, comment below and as always share with a momma who needs this!

xx

 

Hey Check out these other great videos on my YouTube channel!!

🙌🏾 “Feeling Pressure as a Mom | Watch This” 

🙌🏾 “The One Thing Keeping you Stuck as a Mom”

🙌🏾 “Married Mommas… do this with your husband” 

encouragement · Married Life · Married Moms

7 Years Later | Real Secrets for a Thriving Millennial Marriage!

Today Hubby and I Celebrate our 7th Wedding Anniversary and what an amazing journey it has been so far! From purchasing our first home together, become first time parents, multiple career transitions, the passing of loved ones, overcoming and working through disagreements, watching God provide abundantly during a pandemic, overcoming illnesses,  learning how to raise a toddler… and so so so much love, joy and laughter in the midst of it all… the growth has been unmatched and our marriage is stronger because of it all!

But I have to take a moment to share the real secrets behind our thriving marriage, something that so many people talk about and perhaps seldom actually rely on! Watch my Reflection video, and be sure to check out 7 biblical principles I live by as a wife in my marriage!

And as always…. be sure to share with someone who needs it!

 

7 Biblical Principles I live by in my Marriage:

1 Always check yourself first before expecting God to check your spouse (Matthew 7:1-3)

2 Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)

3 Only God can change your spouse (Proverbs 21:1)

4. Pray about everything… EVERYTHING (Philippians 4:6)

5 Withholding sex as strategy is not of God (1 Corinthians 7:4)

6  Communicate. Apologize. Forgive (James 5:16. Ephesians 4:31-32)

7 MY husband is not my enemy (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Check out These other great posts about Marriage!

How I met my Husband

Living Loving & Learning 3 Lessons from the Newlywed

Being Right and Being Married

Fierce 5 Marriage Series

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confident Mom · Married Life · Married Moms · Mommy Life · mommy support

Video| Unpopular Opinion | Celebrate Your Husband

.  .  .  .  .  .  .   

Grab the Mommy Support Cheat Sheet Here!

‼️‼️Unpopular opinion ‼️‼️

‼️It’s OKAY to celebrate YOUR husband and the ways he steps up to support YOU as a mom, even for things other people say isn’t a big deal because that’s what he “should be doing”! 

Just imagine what a difference it could make if the next time your husband steps up to support YOU as a mom (especially after doing the work to be specific in asking  for the support that you need from him)

you replaced your…

❌“It’s about time you stepped up” attitude/comment

With

✅ “Babe… I see you stepping up for me and the family”

Or

✅ “Thank you so much for making me/us/this a priority”

Or a simple

✅ “Thank you. I appreciate you”

 

What we focus on… whether with criticism or encouragement… is often what we SEE repeated!

Ask yourself…

Am I encouraging my man and letting him know I appreciate the ways he’s supporting me and the family? (Yes, even while you’re working on other areas?)

Or do you find yourself **ONLY** highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you?

Listen no husband/wife or marriage is perfect… we all make mistakes, fall short, miss the mark… but I find it to be so very important to celebrate the moments when we get it right, as we work on those other areas!

You can do both! Stop letting culture dictate what’s worthy of celebrating in your marriage!

Momma, I know firsthand the power of recognition/celebration/making deposits.. and I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husband  will only do wonders for the future of how he supports you as a mom!

Grab the Mommy Support Cheat Sheet Here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Married Life · Married Moms · Mommy Life · mommy support · Self Care

Video | The One Thing that Changed the Way my Husband Supports me as a Mom

 

Learn more about “D-Day” here! 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life

If You’ve Ever Doubted Yourself as A Mom, This is for You!

That feeling of “am I the right mom for this”, crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

If you’re a mom, I’m sure that you can agree that The days are long, and the tantrums often seem just as great as the triumphs. But it is in those moments,  that I’ve learned to press in even more to the ever-loving arm of my Savior and the TRUTH of His Word! Prayers, weeping and my full surrender merge to help me see more clearly that all that is happening in my life is happening FOR ME not TO ME.

I am the mom that my little one needs! Being her momma is a major part of my divine assignment, and when I feel weak… HE Is STRONG! He is my strength, my Strong Tower… my fortress… a very present help ALWAYS! My confidence as a mom, comes directly from Him!

So with this revelation in mind, and my heart fully opened to receive, that Lord spoke this word to me and I just knew I needed to share this with you!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care

5 Specific Ways My Husband Supports Me | #MommySupport

I want to be very clear, that none of what I am about to share… just happened. This a testament to my commitment to doing the work necessary to communicate and partner with my husband in order to  receive the support that I need from him.  I am a firm believer that, in most instances, you have not because you ask not. And when you ask, you ask amiss because you let the narratives of others and even your ego get in the way (that was totally me, but I’m breaking free and learning).  My Mommy Support Strategy works every single time… and the life I’m living is proof. As you read, don’t look at this as a means to compare, but rather be inspired that it is truly possible for you to receive the love and support that you need.

 

1. Self care day/moments

I talk about this most often. But when it comes to getting my time… I get my time and my husband is the major reason why. He and I both understand he is not just some babysitter, but a loving caring and present father. And as ready as he was to step in and give me a break, he really din’t know exactly how to approach me, because I was literally making it seem like I could do it all. It wasn’t until my bathroom breakdown that I finally opened up and said to him “Babe I need a serious break… away from our little lady”. (you can click here to read the full story).

It’s important to note that I didn’t come at him with anger, or regret… but with vulnerability and a desire for empathy.  How we communicate is most times more important that what we communicate.  I left all the attacking and “shoulda coulda woulda” at the door, because that would not have helped my situation. I was overwhelmed, and needed my husband’s support. So  I simply kept the focus on me, my needs and making my request. And that was the birth of my “Selfish Sunday”… which has been affectionately renamed… “Daddy & Dream Day”. Every month looks different, but every month hubby ensures that I get my time.

 

2. School Drop offs/pickup

I’ve graduated into a new level of the “mommy leagues”, which means more things to do. School “Drop offs” and “pick ups” are a part of our everyday lives now, and before my little one started her first day, I came up with a plan so that I wouldn’t have to carry the weight of it all.  I set aside some time to chat baby-free, so that hubby & I  could discuss this new season of our lives as parents and come up with a plan that would work best. I started by sharing just how much his love and support mean to me, and presented my thoughts on how it could work for us. I was also super clear about what all this would mean for me mentally, as well as for him and our little one (who has been in desperate need of playtime with other little people lol).  Now we have a set schedule, and it’s been so good for all of us. Dream gets extra time with her daddy, while I’m able to get extra time just for myself.

You’d be surprised just how freeing it is to share those everyday responsibilities.

 

3. Morning/bed time routines

It took some time for me to even figure out how to get to an actual morning/bedtime routine for our little lady. And once I did, I was quick to let my hubby know how we could share this task. Everything was cool at first, until my husband had to tell me about myself. He basically told me he felt like he couldn’t really step up and help the way he wanted to, because he felt like I was always there hovering, directing and redirecting. And he was totally right. Instead of taking advantage of these precious moments to myself, I found myself all up in his space, trying to make sure he did everything the way I wanted it done.

And if I’m being honest… all the hovering and even nagging was exhausting!

So I swallowed my pride, let go of my ego, and let the brother do his thing.

And let me tell you the real tea!!!  Once I got out of the way (literally) and let him help in his own way… his eyes were opened and he got a better understanding of all the things I had on my plate.  Yes, empathy. He got a personal dose of my “mommy load” and it has changed the game! For a lot of dads, seeing is believing. They have to experience some things in order to fully understand why their love and support is so important.

Married mommas,  allow your husband to help you!  And when he rises to the occasion… step aside and let him help in his own way.

 

4. He Provides

This man is going to do everything in his power to make sure we are good. He takes pride in how he provides for me and our family, and I so appreciate all that he does for us. God is good! I also had to learn that I can appreciate how my man provides for me and still welcome  his support in other areas, especially as a SAHM.  I had to learn that it is not an “either/or” conversation.  I had to learn that I can celebrate those qualities and the ways my husband supports me outside of our home, while also expressing the areas where I’d love that support to be more tangible in our home.

It’s not always an easy conversation, but I know first hand the power of prayer, especially for the words to say when having difficult conversations. I also know the power of making deposits and celebrating the ways in which my husband shows up for me, while also being clear about the other things I need in this season.

Don’t be afraid to have those difficult conversations. The support, and breakthrough that you desire are often found on the other side.

 

5. He’s committed to our “D-Day”

Once a week hubby and I sit down for a very open heart to heart discussion about all the things that concern us… our marriage, our child, our goals as a couple and individually. This practice has been so effective and the topic such  a “fan-fave” I created a free cheat sheet to help you create your own. Grab it here!

At first it was a bit awkward, but over time we got into a rhythm and there is no turning back! We’ve now gotten to the place where we can discuss anything… ANYTHING… especially when we have a quiet baby-free moment.

So what exactly do we do on “D-Day“? Let me tell you…

WE DISCUSS 3 specific things:
– What’s working ( in our marriage, family, finances, individually)
– What’s not working (areas to improve)
– How we can support each other, as we grow

WE DECIDE on what’s best for our family together:
– How we will focus our attention for the coming week
– One specific way to show up/support each other

WE DATE and enjoy time to reconnect as a married couple
– We make the time to step away from the busyness of work, life and parenting for a few hours & reconnect with each other! Whether out for a lunch date, to the park, movies, or in house for some “TLC” lol, it’s always just what we need and then some!

 

I’ve learned that having a husband isn’t just a badge of honor… it means I have a partner in life! He is an amazing father, and I’m learning how I can do my part to ensure I’m not shutting him out or down when he’s looking to rise to the occasion, because one thing about my husband he is always ready to step in and support!

I’m learning, asking and receiving!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Let’s go momma… and be sure to share with a momma who needs this!

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

Protect Your Peace | 9 Things I’m learning as a Married Mom

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If if works for you… then do you , boo! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

How To Make Time for Yourself As a Busy Mom

Between laundry, dishes, meal prepping, diaper changes, potty training, school pickups/drop offs, distance learning, home schooling, sports, creating content, showing up for in person work, working from home, loving on your kids, pouring into your marriage, spending time with Jesus, caring for sick loved ones, showing up for your friends and family, all while dodging all these pandemic germs…

It can be EXTREMELY difficult to find the time for yourself.

Like, you just need a serious break!

Believe me I get it! As some one who has mastered the art of Self Care, having created a lifestyle of getting time for myself not just One Sunday a Month, but finding the time every single week… I recently found myself unable to get away as usual. The past few weeks have been wildly unpredicatable!

So today, I want to share a bit of my Self Care Strategy that has helped me, and the moms I work with, to ensure that we are able to get a break…even when we’re short on time, or when things don’t go as planned! Because let’s face it… we’re no good to anyone else if we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So we have to learn to make the time! Let’s go!

 

Get clear about what self care actually is to you, and indentify who is there to support you!

You first have to understand what Self Care is and the begin to figure out what all you enjoy.  I share this before Self care is personal and is what ever you deem necessary to care for yourself… and fill your cup spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. Knowing what you enjoy, and what fills your cup is the first place to begin. Once you get an idea of what all you enjoy and/or need… ask for the support from your spouse or a trusted loved one. Whether it’s your spouse offering to step in, or someone from your church family who you’ve grown to love… There are people who have offered to help and are just waiting for you to accept… take them up on it… whether an hour or a 4… accept the help. It may be a bit awkward at first to let go and accept the help, but I promise you the benefit of actually getting a break to recharge, will far outweigh those feelings!

Know your schedules!

When was the last time you sat and looked over your schedules? (Yes, “schedules”, because we already know that our schedule is not the only one that we have to manage or consider when it comes to getting time for ourselves).  But seriously, when was the last time you looked at it? Not just at all the things you have going on , but the actual times when you can get a break? Days off from work? Nap times? Lunch hours? Morning or evening time? Now I can already hear most of you saying, “girl, I already know my schedule and there just isn’t any time for me”. Then I would challenge you to look at what is filling your time, to the point that you can’t even pour into yourself. Ask yourself, “what am I doing that I can either stop, or put on hold in order to get time for myself”? When we say yes to everything else, we are in essence saying no to ourselves. Saying you can’t pour from an empty cup is one thing, doing the work and adjusting your boundaries to ensure that you live this out, is where the magic happens.

Schedule yourself… write your time on your calendar!

we are so good at adding everything and everyone else to the schedule, but ourselves. From the kids’ checkups, doctor’s appointments, sports practice, holidays, trips… we are religious about making sure it’s all written in.  But when was the last time you added yourself to your schedule? Yes, actually scheduled and wrote in “Mommy Time” or any other indicator that you were going to step away to enjoy time for yourself?

This was a major self care flex for me, and it all started when I pre-planned and scheduled my first “Selfish Sunday”, which wasn’t even a full day at the time. The first time I scheduled myself, it was only 3 hours, but it was everything I didn’t even know I needed! Furthermore actually scheduling myself (ie writing on the calendar), ensured a few things for me:

    1. It was a reminder to myself that I needed to care for myself and something to look forward to.
    2. It was a reminder to my family (my hubby) that I was going to be away, so he didn’t make other plans.
    3. writing it down helped me to actually honor my commitment to myself (accountability)!

And from there, I’ve not only enjoyed a selfish Sunday for over the past year and a half, but I’ve also learned to add in all those moments for myself in between! Do yourself a favor and add your time to your schedule. I don’t care if it’s just an hour… get into the habit of seeing “Mommy time” on your calendar, and honoring that commitment to yourself!

Embrace the “mini moments” when things don’t go as planned!

Let’s face it, sometimes with the best of intentions, things do’t go as planned and I know firsthand just how difficult it can be to adjust when the unexpected things interfere with your time for self care.

STORY TIME!!!

I recently had a trip planned to spend a few days in Florida with one of my best girlfriends, and I followed my strategy to the letter! I checked the schedules. I communicated and got the support that I needed. Hubby took time off from work, and I made sure to  write “mommy getaway” on my schedule every month leading up to my trip (to remind hubby that I was going to be away)! I kept myself safe, and found myself out here doing backflips in these streets and supermarkets to avoid getting COVID. Listen, I had everything prepared so that my family would survive while I was away… Like I wasn’t playing! Everything that I could control and handle… I did just that.

Well Fast forward to the day before the trip. I put my little lady to bed, and opened my phone to check the weather in Florida one last time to make sure I didn’t pack anything too heavy. And to my surprise I opened the weather app to a “Winter Storm Advisory”. I didn’t pay this alert any mind, I said “surely the Lord will hold this snow so that I can get to  Florida safely. I did too much to get here, ain’t nothing stopping me from getting on my flight!

And I went to sleep, so blissfully unaware of what was about to take place!

Why, oh WHY did we get hit with over 12” of snow, that not only caused me to cancel my trip… but this storm knocked out our power for 4 days, and took our heat and cell service for good measure! Talk About hurt! The Same 4 days that I planned to get my time, turned into me at home with my family in survival mode because  the main road where we live was completely back up. The roads were so bad that some drivers were stranded for almost 24 hours! LAWD, it coulda be me! Oh and did I mention our home is electric! And all of this was happening… at home… with a TODDLER! WHEW.

(I’m going somewhere, I promise)

Once the roads were safe, we made our way to a hotel nearly an hour from our home.  As soon as we all were showered, fed, and settled I looked at my husband and  said “I need a minute” and he understood exactly what I meant. I needed a break!!

So I grabbed my stuff, grabbed my EarPods, and found a little nook in the lounge of the hotel where I could sit unbothered in peace. I sat there for a little over an hour.  And although this wasn’t the 4 days of fun-filled “me time” I had planned to enjoy that week… I embraced it nonetheless… because it was exactly what I needed in the moment! I literally chose to use the time I had to take a break, instead sitting and  lamenting what was no longer available to me!

That’s the power of the “mini moments”; the moments that are often unplanned, but when you need it you know it and it’s in your best interest to take full advantage. GET YOUR TIME SIS! These mini moments are those times when you do whatever you can to slip away just to process, check-in with ourselves, and regroup in the moment. This can look different depending on the moment, situation and the person… but it’s all a form of self care.

Sitting in the car for a few extra moments, going for a walk to clear your head, listening to a playlist the will help shift your mood, taking a shower, watching your fave show, waking up to get some time in the morning before the house wakes up, maximizing nap times & lunch breaks…SITTING IN A HOTEL LOUNGE IN PEACE!

It all counts!

So ask yourself…”When things don’t go as planned, how can I still get a moment for myself”?

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Life · Self Care

I was on my Fourth Load of Laundry When it Hit Me…

I was on my fourth load of laundry when it hit me…

I hadn’t had a real break from my child, or moment to myself since that huge winter storm hit our area a few weeks ago. And more importantly, hubby was home and we didn’t have anywhere to be!

Chiiiiii!  I said, “Theresa, surely you know better!!! This is your moment… this is your time… You’re not throwing away your shot”!

So, I got myself all the way together to seize the moment. I dropped that basket of laundry right on the steps (not even realizing I’d done that until I saw that  it was in the background of this photo lol), showered, threw on my new fave plaid “Shacket”, took a few pics, and ran out the door for a much needed BREAK from it all!

It was a fabulous 2 hours of “me time” that gave EVERYTHING is was supposed to gave… and then some!!

And I’m soooo glad I allowed myself to put that laundry down to take a break, because less than 24 hours later… I found out that our amazing babysitter was exposed to COVID and wouldn’t be available to come watch Dream for a week(😭😭😭), ANDDDDD hubby was under the weather. So I was up in this house… doing this toddler thing by myself for a few days! Whew!

I’m sharing this real life moment to remind you…

most times, that “task” CAN WAIT!

Whether it be at home, with your family, at work, in your business…etc.

Now I’m not saying “oh just leave your home in shambles and let your family fend for themselves”, although at times even that is necessary for your mental well being. (real talk)

What I am saying is that doing everything else first, and only taking a breather for yourself AFTER it’s all done will leave you overwhelmed, depleted and feeling a great deal of burn out.  I mean let’s be real… as a mom there will always be something else to do. ALWAYS. We’re never completely finished doing all the things.

More importantly… taking time for yourself (i.e. self care) is vital to your endurance, and well being  as a mom. So put that thing on hold and take a moment for yourself. Whether 30 mins or 2 hours,

Talk to God

Listen to that playlist

Take that shower

Go for that walk

Run that errand

Schedule that session

Grab that coffee

Sit in that Car in Silence

Beat that face

Take that nap

Do what you need to do, and take that break!

I know it would be amazing to have this perfect life where all of our ducks are in a row, our kids are always happy, our home is always in order, and we get to go on weekly self-care mommy trips, to luxuriate on a tropical Island while our husbands or trusted loved ones take care of the kids while we’re away, but that’s not real life for the majority of us.

So when you know you need a break, take full advantage of the moments in front of you to fill your cup; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally.

Sometimes you just have to look at that task in front of you and say, “this can wait, I need a moment”

And when you do… take it, and run! lol

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

I did All of this not even realizing my truth was photo-bombing me the whole time! I thought to crop the laundry basket out of the photos and video, but then I realized this is real life for so many of us as moms! So here we are, me all done up and ready to run a few errands to get a break, and a whole load of DIRTY laundry just sitting there cheering me on… like “Go girl, I ain’t going nowhere! I’ll be right here when you get back”!

Welcome to my world! Ha!!

 

Momma, You’re not crazy… YOU NEED A BREAK!!!

 

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Feeling like you’re going to LOSE IT, because  you’re struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click here to learn all about it!

 

 

Mommy Life

3 Completely Normal Things Toddlers Do… That Will Test You!

Have you ever just looked at your toddler and thought to yourself “am I the only one going through this”? Yea, me too! Whether a challenging time, a funny moment… or a “this can’t be my life right now” type of situation, I think we can all agree, we’ve been there! Here are my top 3 moments that capture this sentiment oh so accurately!

1. When your toddler says “I can do it”

The toddlers’ anthem! Whew! Now let me just say, I am totally in support of letting my little one learn to do for herself and assert her independence. I encourage it, and she is actually really amazing at it! Using her words, putting on socks, climbing into the car, buckling her own seat belt, putting on her own clothes… like YAASSS sis, you got this!  However, there are others times when it’s just not working out, and sis needs a little help. From wiping, bathing, brushing teeth… she’s learning and getting better, but we’re not quite at the place where she can do it thoroughly by herself.  All in all, it’s a lot.  Especially when your toddler just won’t let up and you, as the parent, choose to sit patiently for what seems like an eternity to avoid “the storm” of emotions that will ensue if you take over… only to have them finally ask for help… Whew! Pray for your girl!

2. When your toddler exclaims “No, Not yet”!

I promise you saying “no”, is a game for toddlers! I know that many times, especially as they get older and become more aware, they are really just telling us how they feel. And I totally get that. But in other instances, it’s just for sport. Either way, it takes a whole lot of intentionality and patience not to lose it when it happens, especially when it’s time to make moves… like refusing to get into the carseat when its nearly freezing outside, turning into a stick figure when it’s time to get into the shopping cart, or refusing any form of bathing/cleaning! Like sis, this is not the time to assert yourself. Lawd!

Oh and what’s really wild is that my little one understands the concept of “Not yet”, and actually has the nerve to say it. Her two most used phrases… “No bath yet, mommy” and “No! No potty today, mommy”. Fix it Jesus! Like who are these little people? It’s just all so much, especially since most of us are really doing the work to ensure that we support our child’s growth while also holding healthy boundaries. All I can say is… PRAY.

3. When you realize that your toddler acts differently (cooperates/act “better”) with others!

I’ll never forget the first time our little lady was in the care of our “Dream Team” for a weekend.  Hubby and I were so nervous, because when our little lady is with us, she is very expressive and is so determined to live her best little life! In other words… sis tries it, daily!  So you can imagine just how pleasantly surprised we were to hear how “well” she did the entire weekend. No tears when leaving the playground, no carseat battles, no tantrums, falling asleep on her own… etc. Listen, we even witnessed her Oscar worthy “performance” on the Ring Camera.  Little miss walking and holding hands with her aunties. No pulling away, running or screaming. Just the epitome of peace, beyond understanding! lol. Like… what? Who’s child is this? Surely she has become brand new!

And this is her norm!!

Whenever she is in the care of our trusted loved ones, she doesn’t cry or fuss. She listens, uses the potty, takes her nap, eats her food…etc. Like huh?  This was extremely frustrating at first, because I’m like… is it me, is there something wrong with me as a mom? Then I learned… THIS IS NORMAL! Kids show their truest selves… with all of their love, tantrums & big emotions… in the presence of their primary caregivers (ie me and my hubby). They feel the safest and know that we aren’t going anywhere despite how the act.  Still learning and growing, but knowing this is normal has definitely made a huge difference. And my people love watching my little one, so it works out… lol!

 

There are countless examples of toddler-isms that will test your gangsta, but somehow knowing:

  1. This is Normal
  2. I’m not the only parent experiencing this
  3. God has called me and has equipped me for this thing called “mom life”

makes such a major difference in how we manage these moments with our littles. God is giving all of us strength daily, and In the words of Kendrick Lemar… Momma, “we gonna be alright”!

You’re doing a great job, momma!

XX,

 

 

 

 

 

Momma, You’re not crazy… YOU NEED A BREAK!!!

 

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Feeling like you’re going to LOSE IT, because  you’re struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click here to learn all about it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“I’m Proud of Myself” | MY Holiday/2021 Reflection

“I’m Proud of You”

I’m no stranger to these 4 words. I am surrounded by amazing people who love, support and genuinely want me to win in life. I’m blessed. And as a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized just how much I’ve relied on this sentiment, applause and praise from others to guide me… without really taking the time to acknowledge this for myself. Like I rarely took the time to say “I’m proud of you girl” to myself.

So much can change in a year…

And it took cancelled holiday plans, an unusual birthday, and surviving an unexpected and oh so in-the-way winter Storm to help me realize just how far I’ve come… and I’m soooo incredibly proud of myself!

Grab your tea, click below and take a listen as I share 12 reasons why I am so incredibly proud of myself, and what I am doing to help guide my life in 2022! I know it will encourage you!

 

Posts Mentioned in audio:

“Jesus, Therapy & Self Care”

“A Lesson on Managing Transitions”

 

Great, you’re still here… can I show you something super special to me!

I didn’t get to mention this in the audio, but I’m so proud of my decorating efforts from this season! I gave myself permission to take it one season at a time, one room at a time… one area in that room at a time… This year was all about the living room couch lol. Here are a few photos!  I’m so proud of myself!

 

 

YASSS!!! OKAY… you’re still scrolling! 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Life · Self Care

Video | Mom Life and Managing Transitions | A Word from my Walk

You ever had one of those… “If it’s not one things it’s another” type of days? Yea?  Same! As I think back over 2021, I honestly feel like this has been my year of learning how to manage transitions. I felt like some thing was always changing, and I found myself in the midst of what felt like constant CHANGE! Whew!

Interestingly enough, and I know it’s not by chance… as I shared in my “Jesus Therapy and Self Care” audio post, this year has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life… yet at the same time one of the greatest! I can’t explain it, but God has truly been working on my heart, revealing and removing what doesn’t align with who He’s called me to be, opening my eyes and heart to ask for and receive the support that has changed my life…and the peace!  Whew!  The peace and joy in which I’ve taken refuge in midst of it all… nobody but God!

Well the other day, after having one of “those days”, I found myself in desperate need of some me time. You all already know, I don’t play about my self care and when I need it I always do my best to make it happen! I woke up early, asked my husband to take care of our daughter’s morning routine, bundled up as best I knew how…. and I flew down the road to my favorite trail. It was below freezing (30 degrees to be exact),  but I knew I NEEDED to get out and to this trail specifically.  I didn’t stay out too long, I walked for about a mile, and God met me! What a time we had, and as I prayed and reflected, He dropped this in my spirit and I just knew I had to turn on my camera and share it with you.

If you feel like you’re in the midst of change, or find things in constant transition… this if for you!

 

xx

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

5 Mommy Myths to Ditch Today

1 “Self Care is Selfish”

I’m not sure how this became a thing for moms, but it is the furthest thing from the truth.  Self Care is not only vital for our wellbeing as moms… it’s biblical! From the author of Proverbs 31:17 detailing the ways a woman equips herself with spiritual, mental and physical strength for her“God give task”, to Jesus inviting  us in Matthew 11:28 “…to come to Him and He will give us rest”… we are encouraged to care for ourselves.

Self Care is essential, and is exactly what we need in order to show up in the areas that matter most as moms; in our families, our homes, in our careers/businesses, our churches, our marriages and in life! We must take the time to pour into ourselves spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. According to the Oxford Dictionary “Self” + “Care”  is literally  “the provision of what is necessary for your wellbeing, health, welfare, maintenance and protection”.  From spending time with Jesus, therapy, rest, setting boundaries… it is all essential… and there ain’t nothing selfish about it. 

 

2. “Asking for help means I’m not doing a good job as a mom”

Been there, felt that! And with over 73% of millennial moms having reported feeling like they were failing their families… I know I’m not alone. I recently shared a similar sentiment with my therapist, and she responded with the following:

“asking for help and getting the support you need isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom and strength.  You have lifelines all around you… and you will only benefit from using them”.

Listen, asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Asking for and receiving the support you need… whether in therapy, from trusted loved ones, hiring help for childcare or food services… it’s all sign of strength, resourcefulness and grace. Furthermore, studies* have proven countless times that receiving help from others (a form of self care) not only Improves your ability to cope with stressful situations, but it also helps to alleviating the effects of emotional distress as well as enhances self esteem (confidence). Momma, you were not meant to be and/or do this mom-thing alone.  So start asking for and accepting the support you need… it will literally change your life!

 

3. “Stress, overwhelm, & burnout are the trifecta of mom life… we just have to deal with it”

have no idea who is spreading this venomous lie, but I came to set the record straight… YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIT IN “The struggle”. Will you feel stressed, and experience overwhelm as a mom… yup! In a recent study on the State of Motherhood over 93% of millennial moms reported occasionally experiencing burnout. So, yes… it’s a real thing! But you don’t have to “just deal with it”. That is the furthest thing from the truth.

You can… and have every right to…  get the help you need so that you are able to make the changes that best serve you and your family.  You can choose to do things differently, and in a way that allows you to experience grace and flow in your family, home and purpose!

Yes, harmony is a real thing and it can totally be your experience if you’re willing to do the work. This may mean going to therapy, or hiring a guide to help you create a guilt-free plan of action for self care, or maybe you just have to stop saying “yes” to EVERY request that comes your way (overcommitting is a thing and it will run you into the ground if you don’t check it).

All this to say… you always have a choice, and you can indeed live life as a mom that excites and serves you without always feeling stuck and overwhelmed. You don’t have to just deal with it.

 

4. “As long as the kids are happy… that’s all that matters”

I know this may not sit well with everyone, but your kids’ happiness (which is fleeting) is not all that matters. Raising kids who are emotionally fit, and capable of understanding and processing their emotions, matters. Teaching kids how to set and honor boundaries, even the ones you’ve set, matters. Helping your children understand that they will not always get their way, or always be happy, matters. Letting them know they can talk with you, even when they are mad/upset with a decision you’ve made, matters. Holding space for your children so that they know they are loved, seen and heard… whew… it matters!

And In the midst of all that we do for our children, our families, in our marriages and our home,  do you know who is at the center of it all? You. Don’t you ever overlook just how vital and valuable you are.

You matter!

Taking care of yourself, matters!

Prioritizing your wellbeing, matters!

Honoring your marriage, matters!

Making time to pursues your dreams, goals, and the lifestyle that serves you and your family… yup it all matters!

So no, your kids’ happiness isn’t all that matter. Let’s shift the narrative to what all matters!

 

5. “Kiss the intimacy in your marriage good-bye now that you have kids… that’s just how it is”

The truth is, your marriage most likely will change after having children… especially if you’ve had children since the pandemic. But a major lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is that we don’t have to settle for “that’s just how it is”.  Especially when we want things to be better. Marriage in and of itself is work, and when you add in little people… it can be a whole lot. But the truth is… It will work, if you work it. Communication is so critical, as is intentionally making the time to spend time together and date each other! 

What I know is that intimacy and support go hand in hand. But getting the support that we crave for as moms doesn’t just drop out of thin air (for most of us). As much as I would love for men to “just get it” and know how to support us as moms, they don’t. They’re not mind readers. So, we have to use our voices to let them know exactly what that support looks like. Most men are ready to rise to the occasion, but they don’t know how. Or they may assume that because you haven’t said anything,  what they are doing is enough. We have to communicate.

Listen, ever since my husband and I decided to have our weekly “D-Day”... where we discuss what’s working/how to support each other, make decisions that will best serve our family, and date… our marriage has gotten even stronger.  We both feel seen, have a specific time of the week to be heard and express it all, and my husband is learning how to support me as a mom because I’ve been clear about what I need (and vice versa). And let me tell you… when you feel seen, heard and supported… the loving and intimacy is 🔥🔥🔥… yes even with children.

It’s not perfect, nor is it easy… but it is always worth it. You can always choose to do the work to change and make things better.

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

Radical Self Care + The Real Proverbs 31 Woman | Video

The more I do this work, the more I realize just how vital it is to take care of ourselves. I’m also well aware of the importance of the work I’m called to do for such a time as this! According to a 2021 State of Motherhood survey conducted by Motherly, over  93% of millennial mothers reported feeling burned out, occasionally. That’s major, and not just cause for concern… we need to take radical action in order to experience  radical change in our lives as moms! I’m talking intentionally and radically caring for ourselves, so that we can show up confidently in the areas that matter most… in our careers, with our families, in our homes… without the guilt and overwhelm.

This is serious business!!!

It’s no secret that my faith in Christ is the foundation of my life… and especially so since becoming a mom (I know I’m not alone).  Filling my cup spiritually has been a huge part of my self care regimen. Today, I want you to lean in, as I share a truth I recently discovered in Proverbs 31.  As we often look to the Proverbs 31 Woman as the “Standard” of the “Woman/Mom/Wife of Purpose”, I want you to join me for a closer look at her life… beyond all that she does for everyone else… and focus in on how she radically cares for herself in order to thrive in her God give tasks. Let’s Go!

 

The Real Proverbs 31 Woman from Reese Dennis on Vimeo.

 

May we never overlook the importance of caring for ourselves ever again. May this be more than just a conversation, but rather a specific and practical way of living in order to show up confidently in the areas that matter most to us as moms!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Love what you’re reading? Then momma, I want to hear from you!  Whether a working momma, mompreneur… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life

Mommy Confidence | 3 Tips to help You Show Up More Confidently as a Mom

1. Prioritize your self care.

Actually make the time to pour in to yourself.  You “make the time” by taking a real look at your current schedules (plural because you have multiple schedules when you consider your spouse and your kids),  identifying “pockets of time” (or a moment to get away on days off, early mornings, during nap time…etc), and then scheduling the time  for yourself (actually writing it down is a game changer).    I am a firm believer in SCHEDULING  time for myself and embracing the “mini moments” to fill my cup spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.  Spending time with Jesus, therapy, sun filled walks, sitting in silence in the car, daily affirmation using God’s word, lunch with friends, doing whatever makes you look and feel your best (my fave)…etc. It all counts! Whether 30 minutes, or a full weekend… Prioritize pouring into yourself!

2. Identify your own specific needs.

From childcare, to home schooling… being a working mom, mompreneur, corporate mom or SAHM… to  Hiring a chef, or a house keeper, or investing in the equipment to handle it yourself… get super clear about what you need and find your OWN FLOW! All schedules, routines, systems and lifestyles ARE NOT created equal. One size DOES NOT fit all. So you must get super clear about what you need. When you’re doing what’s best for you and your family, and let go of the need for approval from others… chiiii…. that’s freedom!

3. Ask for and accept support!

The more I do this work the more I realize that most moms feels overwhelmed and lack confidence as moms because they are trying to do it all by themselves. And sadly so many moms say that even with their best efforts, they feel like they’re falling short. Momma, let me free you with this NEWSFLASH… there’s no special reward or extra stimulus check coming because you’re trying to DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF!  Running yourself into the ground, is played out.  Believe me I speak from experience… Ask for support, accept it and allow those trusted loved ones (family, friends and YOUR HUSBAND) to pour into your life!

When you prioritize yourself as a mom, you show up more confidently, present and grounded as a mom, in your marriage, in your home and career! All the areas that matter most to you are impacted by how you care for yourself. So, take care… and prioritize yourself!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“Selfish Sunday” + How to Reclaim Your Time as a Mom

Over the past 15 months, I’ve intentionally been creating space, and making the time to care for myself. Every single “Selfish Sunday” (i.e My personal Self Care Day to res, renew and revive myself), has been lit, and it’s been a game changer for how I show up as a mom!

I know we often talk about “filling our cups” as moms, but how many of us can say that we intentionally and consistently make the time to do just that.

We all know mom life is filled with SO MUCH for us to do, and when we continually push and push and push, without taking the time to recharge… it’s no wonder over 90% of millennial moms say they feel overwhelmed and burned out (Mother.ly survey)!

And believe me, I get it. I know what it’s like to feel completely overwhelmed. Like you’ve been thrown into the deep, but haven’t learned how to swim yet. YIKES, I know!

It all started about a year ago, after one of the lowest points in my mommy journey.  After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to put my exclusively  breastfed  baby to sleep that night, I’d reached my breaking point.

Now, It wasn’t my overtired little one that did it, although sleep has been a serious pain point for me. But  that moment was truly the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

You see, up until that point I’d been doing everything and showing up for everyone, but myself. Yes, I’d have a moment to myself here and there, but truly I’d taken on the “supermom” role doing it all alone, when I had people, including a whole husband, ready to support me.

Well that night, I was fading fast.  I could literally feel the tears and tension rising!

My husband came home right on time.  As soon as he walked into the room, I handed our little lady over and made my way to the bathroom. I’d barely closed the door when my knees dropped to the floor.  It was all so much, and I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed.  All I could do was cry out to God and say,

“If you don’t help me I’m not going to make it”.  I’d had enough of trying to do it all.

It was evident that I was running close to “empty”. I needed some serious  self-care, to fill my cup

I got up from the bathroom floor, tears still flowing, and felt led to call my sister for support. As a fellow momma, I just knew she would get it and would be able to speak into my life. She encouraged me, and told me how important it is for us as moms to take time away, especially during a pandemic. So I took her words to heart, grabbed a blanket and sat in the car outside of my home for 30 minutes to cry, pray and regroup. Yes, in my car and it was just what I needed.

In that moment, it was clear that I needed this time, and then some. And as soon as I walked back in the house, I told my husband I needed to take some time to get myself together. He was 100% on board. So I went to my family calendar, looked to see when my husband was off from work next, and scheduled a lunch date for myself… which just so happened to be the very next day 🙌🏾.

I pumped, and prepared everything hubby would need so that I could peacefully enjoy sometime by myself… and it was everything.  No phone, no agenda… I literally sat at the table, and stared at the green bush in front of my while I enjoyed my meal in silence. I can’t explain it, but it was amazing. I was only gone for a little over 2 hours, but I felt like a brand new mom when I came back home.  Since then, I’ve been on a serious mission to care for myself as a top priority in my life…yes as a whole mom.

✅ I’ve scheduled and enjoyed my “Selfish Sunday  every month for the past 15 months… and your girl is still going strong!

✅ I’ve also been able to “Find my time”… EVERY SINGLE DAY, to enjoy self-care using my  “Simplified Self Care Strategy” I share in my Self Care Guide… see below.  I told you all in a previous post, Showers and beauty maintenance are forms of self care for me.  Those “mini moments” they count and I enjoy them all!

✅ I am no longer obsessed with pleasing other, or trying to do it all alone. There ain’t no prize for running myself into the ground, and I refuse to wear overwhelm & burnout as some sort of VIP access badge for mom life. NO! I am learning how to ask for the support  that I need… and it’s been a game changer!

Listen, I’ve had to do the work, and it has always been worth it!

Selfcare in my life has gone from a once in a blue moon treat, to an EVERY DAY necessity. Yes, I find “mini moments” for myself everyday, in addition to the other ways I need to care for myself… spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally.

I’ve reclaimed my time. Self care has become my lifestyle. 

 I want the same for you.  It’s time to reclaim your time. It’s time to make yourself a top priority. Here’s a great place to start:

1 Get Familiar with your schedule.

Identify when you/your spouse have a day off and pre-plan to enjoy time for yourself that day.  That’s exactly how it all started for me. Start as small as you need to. I know we all want to disappear for a week… or even a month (lol), but for most of us that just is not possible in this season. What is possible, is for you to secure 30 min – 1 hour of time to disappear. Start there, and grow! I promise making this small step will help you to continue on!

2 Schedule Yourself!

Yes, as you identify moments in your schedule where you can slip away… (whether an ice cream break in the car, a lunch date with friends, or a weekend getaway)… take pen to paper and write it down. Use that “mini pocket assistant” (cell phone), and set all alarms, alerts, reminders and timers! It doesn’t matter if it is 30 minutes or a full weekend. Get Your Time, Momma! All those moments matter… so take advantage!

3 Ask for support!

You don’t have to do it all alone. Remember there is no special prize, or reward for driving yourself into the ground, trying to do it all  alone. Ask for the support you need and accept it when it is offered!  For my married mommas, I share a great deal about this in my post here it’s a must read… because Ain’t no way God intended for you to be married, but still feel like you’re single doing it all alone… and you have a whole husband! Sis!!!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“Mommy Support” | How I get the support I need from my Husband

There was a season in my life as a mom, when I expected my husband to  just “get it”. I expected him to look at me and our child, access the situation, and find ways to show up and support me. Like we’re both parents, tap into that daddy intuition, and let’s go!

But that’s not what was happening at all.

He would see me, see the situation, but wouldn’t do what I expected him to do. I was completely frustrated. Like why aren’t you HELPING ME! Can’t you see how much is on my plate right now? Can’t you see I need you?

Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is amazing, and he has stepped up in sooo many ways.  This man loves being a dad, loves his daughter and would do anything for the both of us.  I just knew that  what he did didn’t always match up with what I needed in the moment.

So one fine day, while calmly expressing my frustration and how I felt “like he wasn’t supporting me”… do you know what this brother said to me!?!

He said: “I see you with Dream, and I want to come running, but I don’t always know how to help you”.  

LAWD!!!! Talk about a wake up call. 

So my husband wasn’t ignoring me, or intentionally leaving me to fend for myself. He just wasn’t clear on how exactly I needed to be supported. 🤯 So simple, but I’d missed it, completely!

My disappointment, frustration and resentment had little to do with him and so much to do with me! I don’t like to admit it, but God got me all the way together.

I EXPECTED so much from my husband (in his daddy role) without actually COMMUNICATING specifically what I needed from him! Like idk why I didn’t see it before, but in what world does that even make sense…

Expecting someone to do something and they don’t even know what that *something* is… huh?!

Well, from this one exchange, I was reminded to stop assuming and  to always  communicate my needs. We both apologized to each other. We both noticed ways where we could have done things better to support each other. We’re both new to this whole parent thing, and we’re both growing and learning… the key is to always do it TOGETHER!

Ever since that moment, I have been working on the best ways to enlist the support I need from my husband. I am still learning and growing,  but these following tips have changed the game, for both of us! I hope they help you as well!

5 steps to get the support you need from your husband

1. Check your expectations!

 This is where it all started. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and felt alone because I had expectations that I’d never communicated with my husband. Remember, we can’t expect someone to do something when they aren’t even aware of what that something is. 

2. Leave your assumption at the door. Men are NOT mind readers!

 As well as our husbands know us… they cannot ready out minds!  I had to stop assuming that my husband would see me and just know what to do. I had to stop assuming that his “daddy intuition” made him a mind reader.  Men can see our frustrations, they can even see that we need help, but that doesn’t mean they’ll  just “get it” and know what do for you in that moment. I remember one time, I was literally struggling to get Dream into her bottoms, and my husband just sat there… I was fuming, but I didn’t say anything until our checkin later that morning. Come to find out, he was sitting close by  waiting to see what I needed from him. He didn’t want to say anything, but he wanted me to know he was available. LAWD!!!  Learned my lesson… now, when he’s around to help… I tell him EXACTLY what I need.

3. Ask for what you want/need and be specific!

Many men want to step up and show off for us, but they won’t be able to do that if they don’t know how.  We have to tell them, and be extremely specific.  I use “tell” pretty lightly, because it indeed works best when it is a partnership; but, the point still remains… we must communicate and be specific.  Just saying, “Babe I don’t feel like  you help/support me”… isn’t enough. You need to be clear about where and how you need to be supported. what exactly does that “support” look like to you? What exactly do you expect from your husband? Does he fully  understand, and are those requests/expectations realistic? 

4. Be okay with questions (LAWDDDD)

 I’m still working on this, but I’m learning to be okay with my husband asking questions about what we’ve discussed. Listen, after deciding what he can do to support me and writing it down on the schedule… the last thing I would expect from him is, “what do you need me to do, again”😭😭😭. I’m learning to give my husband grace, in the same way I would want it for myself. We both have busy schedules, and sometimes we forget. Sometimes we need a reminder.  We always need grace. It’s okay to ask questions. (PRAY FOR ME)!

5. Check in regularly!

 My husband and I have what I call “D-Day” every week. This is baby-free time for us to discuss, decide & date. We discuss what’s working, what’s not working, and how we can support each other. It’s so important for us to check in regularly, because things change.  Schedules change, babies and their needs change… WE CHANGE… so we both have to be flexible.  For example, hubby and I had a whole schedule where we would rotate bedtime duties with our little lady. Over the past couple weeks, bedtime has changed drastically and I’m leaning in to my daughter’s needs in this season. With that change, I realized I’d been doing a lot more during bedtime, and would need my husband’s support in other areas. So during our weekly checkin, I was able to express how I was feeling, as well as provide a list of specific things my husband could do to support me, especially during the evenings when he used to be on bedtime duty. And he has been on it ever since! 

Bonus tip: Make deposits & Empower your man!

Ask yourself are you supporting your husband? Are you giving him that same level of time, attention and care as you desire for yourself? Are you celebrating him, encourage him and let him know how well he’s doing supporting you and the family?  Or do you find yourself only highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you? Momma… pour into your husband! Build that man up! Stroke every inch of his ego… (no pun intended haha). Momma, I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husband  will only do wonders for the future of how he supports you!

 

I want to be very clear. I’ve had some huge wins in how my husband supports me. And Although these steps are simple, this process takes work❤️❤️❤️.  My husband and I have specifically been working on our in house “mommy support strategy” for well over a year, and we still have work to do. We’ve had to address certain things for months before figuring out what worked best for us. We’ve also had to unlearn somethings, while growing. And guess what?  With each step on this journey as parents, there will be new challenges to overcome, more things to discuss..possibly  more babies to raise (😭).  It takes time, and it is indeed a journey.  So please approach with love, an open heart and a whole lot of grace. I promise you it will all be worth it!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Let’s go momma… and be sure to share with a momma who needs this!

Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

Struggling with selfcare? Get inspired with this list | 7 Thing I do weekly just for me!

If you’re a mom then you know creating time and space for yourself isn’t always the easiest. With all th things we have to manage throughout the day, more often than not we put ourselves last. One thing I’ve learned in my motherhood journey is that I am at my best, when I make the time for myself, and do the things that I love to do just for me!  Even if it’s just for a few moments, I am so much more present, grounded and just ready to face what comes my way when my cup is filled!

So, if you’ve been struggling to find the time for yourself, check out my list of the 7 things I do every week just for me, that keep me at my best!

1 Workout. 

Every week I workout. The benefits of working out, especially as a mom are unmatched! From a 3 mile walk, to a 20 minute HIT workout… I’ve committed to myself (and my accountability partner) that I will workout a minimum of 3 times a week, and its been everything I’ve needed. There have even been days when things just felt off, and  I set up shop for a quick 15 min HIT and it got me all the way together. My workouts are strategic and concise, and most often take place while Dream is right there, and it still counts as time just for me! I will always find time to maintain my snatch!

2. “Read”

Every week I’ve committed to reading a few pages a day.  My 2021 goal is to read 1 book every month, and I’m already 7 books in and we’re just getting to May.  Now this may be misleading because sitting down with a physical book doesn’t work for me, In this season of mommyhood. The secret?  I listen to my books and I’ve become well acquainted with Audible and Libby.   Yaaassss!  And let me spill this tea real quick…  these earbuds have changed the game, and only cost $20! Seriously, I love that I can turn on my app, put in my wireless earbuds, and listen discreetly while Dream is playing or while we’re on our walks and drives! If you haven’t switched to audio books, I Highly recommend that you consider!

3. Show up and Slay

If you follow me on social media you know I love to slay! I absolutely love to get dressed, I love makeup, and I love to look as good as I feel! So at least once EVERY week, I plan a whole look… sometimes I do it daily, depending on our schedule. I get dressed up, beat my face (sometime full glam), and I live my best snatched mommy life in the playroom with Dream. lol. Most times I have nowhere to go, and I do it just for me, because it makes me feel amazing! I no longer wait for an invite, or for the perfect moment to show up and slay. I create those moments for myself, and it’s been crazy fun.  Even on the days when I don’t feel my best, getting dressed is such mood and confidence boost! So weekly, this momma is going to show up and OWN it.

4. Create

I love to create content. So every week, I take the ideas I’ve gathered and batch create my  content. And for me, creating gives me so much life!  It’s an outlet, but it also fuels me. From creating videos for IG, blogging, creating courses and ebooks, and even just sharing my mommy journey….whether for 30 mins or 3 hours… I get so excited when I make the time and space to just sit and flex my creative muscle.

5. Uninterrupted Showers

Yes, I do shower everyday. I also  know some have said “this is basic maintenance”, but for me… enjoying an uninterrupted  shower and just getting lost in thought is soooo good for my mental! Most times my showers are super quick and efficient because I have Dream. But when hubby is here to take over, I’ve committed to enjoying a longer than usual shower at least once a week. For some this may look like a bubble bath. But seriously, I cry, I pray, I get ideas, and sometimes I just sit in stillness with worship on in the background. And every time I get to enjoy a shower like this, it  gives me the boost I need to continue to thrive as a whole mom!

6. Rest

I’ve never been one to sleep when baby sleeps because I usually have other things to tend to during those precious moments of freedom, lol… but thanks to my mommy schedule and the flow it has created for my life, I’ve been able to created space and time for myself to rest. I’ve committed to sit and pause once a week when Dream naps. I’m not always sleeping, but I told myself that I will sit in stillness, and rest for those 60-90 minutes while Dream sleeps. Ooooh, but when I do drift off into slumberland, it’s always blessed and anointed! lol!

7. Wine down

When hubby is on bedtime duty, momma is enjoy a glass of wine and relaxation. No work, no laundry… just a moment to breathe and release the day.  Some days “relaxation” is sitting on my comfy living room couch, staring out the window. Other days I’m on my deck letting the breeze grace my face.  And some evenings I’m curled up in the basement watching my fave episodes of Frasier.   No matter what, it’s always just what I need when I need it!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!