encouragement · Mommy Life

If You’ve Ever Doubted Yourself as A Mom, This is for You!

That feeling of “am I the right mom for this”, crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

If you’re a mom, I’m sure that you can agree that The days are long, and the tantrums often seem just as great as the triumphs. But it is in those moments,  that I’ve learned to press in even more to the ever-loving arm of my Savior and the TRUTH of His Word! Prayers, weeping and my full surrender merge to help me see more clearly that all that is happening in my life is happening FOR ME not TO ME.

I am the mom that my little one needs! Being her momma is a major part of my divine assignment, and when I feel weak… HE Is STRONG! He is my strength, my Strong Tower… my fortress… a very present help ALWAYS! My confidence as a mom, comes directly from Him!

So with this revelation in mind, and my heart fully opened to receive, that Lord spoke this word to me and I just knew I needed to share this with you!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

Protect Your Peace | 9 Things I’m learning as a Married Mom

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If if works for you… then do you , boo! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

How To Make Time for Yourself As a Busy Mom

Between laundry, dishes, meal prepping, diaper changes, potty training, school pickups/drop offs, distance learning, home schooling, sports, creating content, showing up for in person work, working from home, loving on your kids, pouring into your marriage, spending time with Jesus, caring for sick loved ones, showing up for your friends and family, all while dodging all these pandemic germs…

It can be EXTREMELY difficult to find the time for yourself.

Like, you just need a serious break!

Believe me I get it! As some one who has mastered the art of Self Care, having created a lifestyle of getting time for myself not just One Sunday a Month, but finding the time every single week… I recently found myself unable to get away as usual. The past few weeks have been wildly unpredicatable!

So today, I want to share a bit of my Self Care Strategy that has helped me, and the moms I work with, to ensure that we are able to get a break…even when we’re short on time, or when things don’t go as planned! Because let’s face it… we’re no good to anyone else if we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So we have to learn to make the time! Let’s go!

 

Get clear about what self care actually is to you, and indentify who is there to support you!

You first have to understand what Self Care is and the begin to figure out what all you enjoy.  I share this before Self care is personal and is what ever you deem necessary to care for yourself… and fill your cup spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. Knowing what you enjoy, and what fills your cup is the first place to begin. Once you get an idea of what all you enjoy and/or need… ask for the support from your spouse or a trusted loved one. Whether it’s your spouse offering to step in, or someone from your church family who you’ve grown to love… There are people who have offered to help and are just waiting for you to accept… take them up on it… whether an hour or a 4… accept the help. It may be a bit awkward at first to let go and accept the help, but I promise you the benefit of actually getting a break to recharge, will far outweigh those feelings!

Know your schedules!

When was the last time you sat and looked over your schedules? (Yes, “schedules”, because we already know that our schedule is not the only one that we have to manage or consider when it comes to getting time for ourselves).  But seriously, when was the last time you looked at it? Not just at all the things you have going on , but the actual times when you can get a break? Days off from work? Nap times? Lunch hours? Morning or evening time? Now I can already hear most of you saying, “girl, I already know my schedule and there just isn’t any time for me”. Then I would challenge you to look at what is filling your time, to the point that you can’t even pour into yourself. Ask yourself, “what am I doing that I can either stop, or put on hold in order to get time for myself”? When we say yes to everything else, we are in essence saying no to ourselves. Saying you can’t pour from an empty cup is one thing, doing the work and adjusting your boundaries to ensure that you live this out, is where the magic happens.

Schedule yourself… write your time on your calendar!

we are so good at adding everything and everyone else to the schedule, but ourselves. From the kids’ checkups, doctor’s appointments, sports practice, holidays, trips… we are religious about making sure it’s all written in.  But when was the last time you added yourself to your schedule? Yes, actually scheduled and wrote in “Mommy Time” or any other indicator that you were going to step away to enjoy time for yourself?

This was a major self care flex for me, and it all started when I pre-planned and scheduled my first “Selfish Sunday”, which wasn’t even a full day at the time. The first time I scheduled myself, it was only 3 hours, but it was everything I didn’t even know I needed! Furthermore actually scheduling myself (ie writing on the calendar), ensured a few things for me:

    1. It was a reminder to myself that I needed to care for myself and something to look forward to.
    2. It was a reminder to my family (my hubby) that I was going to be away, so he didn’t make other plans.
    3. writing it down helped me to actually honor my commitment to myself (accountability)!

And from there, I’ve not only enjoyed a selfish Sunday for over the past year and a half, but I’ve also learned to add in all those moments for myself in between! Do yourself a favor and add your time to your schedule. I don’t care if it’s just an hour… get into the habit of seeing “Mommy time” on your calendar, and honoring that commitment to yourself!

Embrace the “mini moments” when things don’t go as planned!

Let’s face it, sometimes with the best of intentions, things do’t go as planned and I know firsthand just how difficult it can be to adjust when the unexpected things interfere with your time for self care.

STORY TIME!!!

I recently had a trip planned to spend a few days in Florida with one of my best girlfriends, and I followed my strategy to the letter! I checked the schedules. I communicated and got the support that I needed. Hubby took time off from work, and I made sure to  write “mommy getaway” on my schedule every month leading up to my trip (to remind hubby that I was going to be away)! I kept myself safe, and found myself out here doing backflips in these streets and supermarkets to avoid getting COVID. Listen, I had everything prepared so that my family would survive while I was away… Like I wasn’t playing! Everything that I could control and handle… I did just that.

Well Fast forward to the day before the trip. I put my little lady to bed, and opened my phone to check the weather in Florida one last time to make sure I didn’t pack anything too heavy. And to my surprise I opened the weather app to a “Winter Storm Advisory”. I didn’t pay this alert any mind, I said “surely the Lord will hold this snow so that I can get to  Florida safely. I did too much to get here, ain’t nothing stopping me from getting on my flight!

And I went to sleep, so blissfully unaware of what was about to take place!

Why, oh WHY did we get hit with over 12” of snow, that not only caused me to cancel my trip… but this storm knocked out our power for 4 days, and took our heat and cell service for good measure! Talk About hurt! The Same 4 days that I planned to get my time, turned into me at home with my family in survival mode because  the main road where we live was completely back up. The roads were so bad that some drivers were stranded for almost 24 hours! LAWD, it coulda be me! Oh and did I mention our home is electric! And all of this was happening… at home… with a TODDLER! WHEW.

(I’m going somewhere, I promise)

Once the roads were safe, we made our way to a hotel nearly an hour from our home.  As soon as we all were showered, fed, and settled I looked at my husband and  said “I need a minute” and he understood exactly what I meant. I needed a break!!

So I grabbed my stuff, grabbed my EarPods, and found a little nook in the lounge of the hotel where I could sit unbothered in peace. I sat there for a little over an hour.  And although this wasn’t the 4 days of fun-filled “me time” I had planned to enjoy that week… I embraced it nonetheless… because it was exactly what I needed in the moment! I literally chose to use the time I had to take a break, instead sitting and  lamenting what was no longer available to me!

That’s the power of the “mini moments”; the moments that are often unplanned, but when you need it you know it and it’s in your best interest to take full advantage. GET YOUR TIME SIS! These mini moments are those times when you do whatever you can to slip away just to process, check-in with ourselves, and regroup in the moment. This can look different depending on the moment, situation and the person… but it’s all a form of self care.

Sitting in the car for a few extra moments, going for a walk to clear your head, listening to a playlist the will help shift your mood, taking a shower, watching your fave show, waking up to get some time in the morning before the house wakes up, maximizing nap times & lunch breaks…SITTING IN A HOTEL LOUNGE IN PEACE!

It all counts!

So ask yourself…”When things don’t go as planned, how can I still get a moment for myself”?

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

5 Mommy Myths to Ditch Today

1 “Self Care is Selfish”

I’m not sure how this became a thing for moms, but it is the furthest thing from the truth.  Self Care is not only vital for our wellbeing as moms… it’s biblical! From the author of Proverbs 31:17 detailing the ways a woman equips herself with spiritual, mental and physical strength for her“God give task”, to Jesus inviting  us in Matthew 11:28 “…to come to Him and He will give us rest”… we are encouraged to care for ourselves.

Self Care is essential, and is exactly what we need in order to show up in the areas that matter most as moms; in our families, our homes, in our careers/businesses, our churches, our marriages and in life! We must take the time to pour into ourselves spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. According to the Oxford Dictionary “Self” + “Care”  is literally  “the provision of what is necessary for your wellbeing, health, welfare, maintenance and protection”.  From spending time with Jesus, therapy, rest, setting boundaries… it is all essential… and there ain’t nothing selfish about it. 

 

2. “Asking for help means I’m not doing a good job as a mom”

Been there, felt that! And with over 73% of millennial moms having reported feeling like they were failing their families… I know I’m not alone. I recently shared a similar sentiment with my therapist, and she responded with the following:

“asking for help and getting the support you need isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom and strength.  You have lifelines all around you… and you will only benefit from using them”.

Listen, asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Asking for and receiving the support you need… whether in therapy, from trusted loved ones, hiring help for childcare or food services… it’s all sign of strength, resourcefulness and grace. Furthermore, studies* have proven countless times that receiving help from others (a form of self care) not only Improves your ability to cope with stressful situations, but it also helps to alleviating the effects of emotional distress as well as enhances self esteem (confidence). Momma, you were not meant to be and/or do this mom-thing alone.  So start asking for and accepting the support you need… it will literally change your life!

 

3. “Stress, overwhelm, & burnout are the trifecta of mom life… we just have to deal with it”

have no idea who is spreading this venomous lie, but I came to set the record straight… YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIT IN “The struggle”. Will you feel stressed, and experience overwhelm as a mom… yup! In a recent study on the State of Motherhood over 93% of millennial moms reported occasionally experiencing burnout. So, yes… it’s a real thing! But you don’t have to “just deal with it”. That is the furthest thing from the truth.

You can… and have every right to…  get the help you need so that you are able to make the changes that best serve you and your family.  You can choose to do things differently, and in a way that allows you to experience grace and flow in your family, home and purpose!

Yes, harmony is a real thing and it can totally be your experience if you’re willing to do the work. This may mean going to therapy, or hiring a guide to help you create a guilt-free plan of action for self care, or maybe you just have to stop saying “yes” to EVERY request that comes your way (overcommitting is a thing and it will run you into the ground if you don’t check it).

All this to say… you always have a choice, and you can indeed live life as a mom that excites and serves you without always feeling stuck and overwhelmed. You don’t have to just deal with it.

 

4. “As long as the kids are happy… that’s all that matters”

I know this may not sit well with everyone, but your kids’ happiness (which is fleeting) is not all that matters. Raising kids who are emotionally fit, and capable of understanding and processing their emotions, matters. Teaching kids how to set and honor boundaries, even the ones you’ve set, matters. Helping your children understand that they will not always get their way, or always be happy, matters. Letting them know they can talk with you, even when they are mad/upset with a decision you’ve made, matters. Holding space for your children so that they know they are loved, seen and heard… whew… it matters!

And In the midst of all that we do for our children, our families, in our marriages and our home,  do you know who is at the center of it all? You. Don’t you ever overlook just how vital and valuable you are.

You matter!

Taking care of yourself, matters!

Prioritizing your wellbeing, matters!

Honoring your marriage, matters!

Making time to pursues your dreams, goals, and the lifestyle that serves you and your family… yup it all matters!

So no, your kids’ happiness isn’t all that matter. Let’s shift the narrative to what all matters!

 

5. “Kiss the intimacy in your marriage good-bye now that you have kids… that’s just how it is”

The truth is, your marriage most likely will change after having children… especially if you’ve had children since the pandemic. But a major lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is that we don’t have to settle for “that’s just how it is”.  Especially when we want things to be better. Marriage in and of itself is work, and when you add in little people… it can be a whole lot. But the truth is… It will work, if you work it. Communication is so critical, as is intentionally making the time to spend time together and date each other! 

What I know is that intimacy and support go hand in hand. But getting the support that we crave for as moms doesn’t just drop out of thin air (for most of us). As much as I would love for men to “just get it” and know how to support us as moms, they don’t. They’re not mind readers. So, we have to use our voices to let them know exactly what that support looks like. Most men are ready to rise to the occasion, but they don’t know how. Or they may assume that because you haven’t said anything,  what they are doing is enough. We have to communicate.

Listen, ever since my husband and I decided to have our weekly “D-Day”... where we discuss what’s working/how to support each other, make decisions that will best serve our family, and date… our marriage has gotten even stronger.  We both feel seen, have a specific time of the week to be heard and express it all, and my husband is learning how to support me as a mom because I’ve been clear about what I need (and vice versa). And let me tell you… when you feel seen, heard and supported… the loving and intimacy is 🔥🔥🔥… yes even with children.

It’s not perfect, nor is it easy… but it is always worth it. You can always choose to do the work to change and make things better.

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life

Mommy Confidence | 3 Tips to help You Show Up More Confidently as a Mom

1. Prioritize your self care.

Actually make the time to pour in to yourself.  You “make the time” by taking a real look at your current schedules (plural because you have multiple schedules when you consider your spouse and your kids),  identifying “pockets of time” (or a moment to get away on days off, early mornings, during nap time…etc), and then scheduling the time  for yourself (actually writing it down is a game changer).    I am a firm believer in SCHEDULING  time for myself and embracing the “mini moments” to fill my cup spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.  Spending time with Jesus, therapy, sun filled walks, sitting in silence in the car, daily affirmation using God’s word, lunch with friends, doing whatever makes you look and feel your best (my fave)…etc. It all counts! Whether 30 minutes, or a full weekend… Prioritize pouring into yourself!

2. Identify your own specific needs.

From childcare, to home schooling… being a working mom, mompreneur, corporate mom or SAHM… to  Hiring a chef, or a house keeper, or investing in the equipment to handle it yourself… get super clear about what you need and find your OWN FLOW! All schedules, routines, systems and lifestyles ARE NOT created equal. One size DOES NOT fit all. So you must get super clear about what you need. When you’re doing what’s best for you and your family, and let go of the need for approval from others… chiiii…. that’s freedom!

3. Ask for and accept support!

The more I do this work the more I realize that most moms feels overwhelmed and lack confidence as moms because they are trying to do it all by themselves. And sadly so many moms say that even with their best efforts, they feel like they’re falling short. Momma, let me free you with this NEWSFLASH… there’s no special reward or extra stimulus check coming because you’re trying to DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF!  Running yourself into the ground, is played out.  Believe me I speak from experience… Ask for support, accept it and allow those trusted loved ones (family, friends and YOUR HUSBAND) to pour into your life!

When you prioritize yourself as a mom, you show up more confidently, present and grounded as a mom, in your marriage, in your home and career! All the areas that matter most to you are impacted by how you care for yourself. So, take care… and prioritize yourself!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!