Confident Mom · encouragement · Mommy Life · mommy support · Self Care

3 things I’m Learning to STOP Saying to Myself | Audio

Does this resonate with you? Be sure to like, comment below, or shoot me a DM over on IG @theresa_ _dennis  and as always SHARE with a momma who needs this!

 

Other posts mentioned in this audio: click below!

 

xx

 

encouragement · Married Life · Married Moms

7 Years Later | Real Secrets for a Thriving Millennial Marriage!

Today Hubby and I Celebrate our 7th Wedding Anniversary and what an amazing journey it has been so far! From purchasing our first home together, become first time parents, multiple career transitions, the passing of loved ones, overcoming and working through disagreements, watching God provide abundantly during a pandemic, overcoming illnesses,  learning how to raise a toddler… and so so so much love, joy and laughter in the midst of it all… the growth has been unmatched and our marriage is stronger because of it all!

But I have to take a moment to share the real secrets behind our thriving marriage, something that so many people talk about and perhaps seldom actually rely on! Watch my Reflection video, and be sure to check out 7 biblical principles I live by as a wife in my marriage!

And as always…. be sure to share with someone who needs it!

 

7 Biblical Principles I live by in my Marriage:

1 Always check yourself first before expecting God to check your spouse (Matthew 7:1-3)

2 Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)

3 Only God can change your spouse (Proverbs 21:1)

4. Pray about everything… EVERYTHING (Philippians 4:6)

5 Withholding sex as strategy is not of God (1 Corinthians 7:4)

6  Communicate. Apologize. Forgive (James 5:16. Ephesians 4:31-32)

7 MY husband is not my enemy (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Check out These other great posts about Marriage!

How I met my Husband

Living Loving & Learning 3 Lessons from the Newlywed

Being Right and Being Married

Fierce 5 Marriage Series

 

 

 

 

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life

If You’ve Ever Doubted Yourself as A Mom, This is for You!

That feeling of “am I the right mom for this”, crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

If you’re a mom, I’m sure that you can agree that The days are long, and the tantrums often seem just as great as the triumphs. But it is in those moments,  that I’ve learned to press in even more to the ever-loving arm of my Savior and the TRUTH of His Word! Prayers, weeping and my full surrender merge to help me see more clearly that all that is happening in my life is happening FOR ME not TO ME.

I am the mom that my little one needs! Being her momma is a major part of my divine assignment, and when I feel weak… HE Is STRONG! He is my strength, my Strong Tower… my fortress… a very present help ALWAYS! My confidence as a mom, comes directly from Him!

So with this revelation in mind, and my heart fully opened to receive, that Lord spoke this word to me and I just knew I needed to share this with you!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to subscribe to get posts like this sent directly to your inbox! And as always…

SHARE THIS with the moms who need this reminder!

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

9 Ways to Protect Your Peace | #6 is the One

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If it works for you… then do you, sis! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you, and keep you stuck in overwhelm trying to keep up and do all the things. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

How To Make Time for Yourself As a Busy Mom

Between laundry, dishes, meal prepping, diaper changes, potty training, school pickups/drop offs, distance learning, home schooling, sports, creating content, showing up for in person work, working from home, loving on your kids, pouring into your marriage, spending time with Jesus, caring for sick loved ones, showing up for your friends and family, all while dodging all these pandemic germs…

It can be EXTREMELY difficult to find the time for yourself.

Like, you just need a serious break!

Believe me I get it! As some one who has mastered the art of Self Care, having created a lifestyle of getting time for myself not just One Sunday a Month, but finding the time every single week… I recently found myself unable to get away as usual. The past few weeks have been wildly unpredicatable!

So today, I want to share a bit of my Self Care Strategy that has helped me, and the moms I work with, to ensure that we are able to get a break…even when we’re short on time, or when things don’t go as planned! Because let’s face it… we’re no good to anyone else if we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So we have to learn to make the time! Let’s go!

 

Get clear about what self care actually is to you, and indentify who is there to support you!

You first have to understand what Self Care is and the begin to figure out what all you enjoy.  I share this before Self care is personal and is what ever you deem necessary to care for yourself… and fill your cup spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. Knowing what you enjoy, and what fills your cup is the first place to begin. Once you get an idea of what all you enjoy and/or need… ask for the support from your spouse or a trusted loved one. Whether it’s your spouse offering to step in, or someone from your church family who you’ve grown to love… There are people who have offered to help and are just waiting for you to accept… take them up on it… whether an hour or a 4… accept the help. It may be a bit awkward at first to let go and accept the help, but I promise you the benefit of actually getting a break to recharge, will far outweigh those feelings!

Know your schedules!

When was the last time you sat and looked over your schedules? (Yes, “schedules”, because we already know that our schedule is not the only one that we have to manage or consider when it comes to getting time for ourselves).  But seriously, when was the last time you looked at it? Not just at all the things you have going on , but the actual times when you can get a break? Days off from work? Nap times? Lunch hours? Morning or evening time? Now I can already hear most of you saying, “girl, I already know my schedule and there just isn’t any time for me”. Then I would challenge you to look at what is filling your time, to the point that you can’t even pour into yourself. Ask yourself, “what am I doing that I can either stop, or put on hold in order to get time for myself”? When we say yes to everything else, we are in essence saying no to ourselves. Saying you can’t pour from an empty cup is one thing, doing the work and adjusting your boundaries to ensure that you live this out, is where the magic happens.

Schedule yourself… write your time on your calendar!

we are so good at adding everything and everyone else to the schedule, but ourselves. From the kids’ checkups, doctor’s appointments, sports practice, holidays, trips… we are religious about making sure it’s all written in.  But when was the last time you added yourself to your schedule? Yes, actually scheduled and wrote in “Mommy Time” or any other indicator that you were going to step away to enjoy time for yourself?

This was a major self care flex for me, and it all started when I pre-planned and scheduled my first “Selfish Sunday”, which wasn’t even a full day at the time. The first time I scheduled myself, it was only 3 hours, but it was everything I didn’t even know I needed! Furthermore actually scheduling myself (ie writing on the calendar), ensured a few things for me:

    1. It was a reminder to myself that I needed to care for myself and something to look forward to.
    2. It was a reminder to my family (my hubby) that I was going to be away, so he didn’t make other plans.
    3. writing it down helped me to actually honor my commitment to myself (accountability)!

And from there, I’ve not only enjoyed a selfish Sunday for over the past year and a half, but I’ve also learned to add in all those moments for myself in between! Do yourself a favor and add your time to your schedule. I don’t care if it’s just an hour… get into the habit of seeing “Mommy time” on your calendar, and honoring that commitment to yourself!

Embrace the “mini moments” when things don’t go as planned!

Let’s face it, sometimes with the best of intentions, things do’t go as planned and I know firsthand just how difficult it can be to adjust when the unexpected things interfere with your time for self care.

STORY TIME!!!

I recently had a trip planned to spend a few days in Florida with one of my best girlfriends, and I followed my strategy to the letter! I checked the schedules. I communicated and got the support that I needed. Hubby took time off from work, and I made sure to  write “mommy getaway” on my schedule every month leading up to my trip (to remind hubby that I was going to be away)! I kept myself safe, and found myself out here doing backflips in these streets and supermarkets to avoid getting COVID. Listen, I had everything prepared so that my family would survive while I was away… Like I wasn’t playing! Everything that I could control and handle… I did just that.

Well Fast forward to the day before the trip. I put my little lady to bed, and opened my phone to check the weather in Florida one last time to make sure I didn’t pack anything too heavy. And to my surprise I opened the weather app to a “Winter Storm Advisory”. I didn’t pay this alert any mind, I said “surely the Lord will hold this snow so that I can get to  Florida safely. I did too much to get here, ain’t nothing stopping me from getting on my flight!

And I went to sleep, so blissfully unaware of what was about to take place!

Why, oh WHY did we get hit with over 12” of snow, that not only caused me to cancel my trip… but this storm knocked out our power for 4 days, and took our heat and cell service for good measure! Talk About hurt! The Same 4 days that I planned to get my time, turned into me at home with my family in survival mode because  the main road where we live was completely back up. The roads were so bad that some drivers were stranded for almost 24 hours! LAWD, it coulda be me! Oh and did I mention our home is electric! And all of this was happening… at home… with a TODDLER! WHEW.

(I’m going somewhere, I promise)

Once the roads were safe, we made our way to a hotel nearly an hour from our home.  As soon as we all were showered, fed, and settled I looked at my husband and  said “I need a minute” and he understood exactly what I meant. I needed a break!!

So I grabbed my stuff, grabbed my EarPods, and found a little nook in the lounge of the hotel where I could sit unbothered in peace. I sat there for a little over an hour.  And although this wasn’t the 4 days of fun-filled “me time” I had planned to enjoy that week… I embraced it nonetheless… because it was exactly what I needed in the moment! I literally chose to use the time I had to take a break, instead sitting and  lamenting what was no longer available to me!

That’s the power of the “mini moments”; the moments that are often unplanned, but when you need it you know it and it’s in your best interest to take full advantage. GET YOUR TIME SIS! These mini moments are those times when you do whatever you can to slip away just to process, check-in with ourselves, and regroup in the moment. This can look different depending on the moment, situation and the person… but it’s all a form of self care.

Sitting in the car for a few extra moments, going for a walk to clear your head, listening to a playlist the will help shift your mood, taking a shower, watching your fave show, waking up to get some time in the morning before the house wakes up, maximizing nap times & lunch breaks…SITTING IN A HOTEL LOUNGE IN PEACE!

It all counts!

So ask yourself…”When things don’t go as planned, how can I still get a moment for myself”?

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,