Married Life · Mommy Life

Stop Giving Your Husband Your “Leftovers” | A Lesson for the Married Mommas!

It was a Thursday evening, back in fall 2020.  I’d just ended a Live Training for  Mommy Stylists, while my husband took over all the evening/ night time duties with our 16 month old.

While putting away my tripod, laptop and equipment… my husband came downstairs hyped because he’d successfully put our little lady to sleep with minimal effort.

Y’all… the brother was READY  to hang out.

But I was tired, and all I wanted to do was wind down and sleep.

You see this particular “Thursday”  was “our day”. Before Dream was born, Thursday was our date day, and once Dream popped up on the scene, we decided it would become family day (unless we had someone to watch her, then of course we could date like old times).

But slowly and ever so surely… Thursday turned into my “work day”. 😬

It started off pretty innocently. 

A quick call early in the morning before our day together started.  Then a “quick” client from 7-10. But over time those “quick” work things started to become my norm, and I was working well into the time that was supposed to be just for us. I kinda noticed but hubby really noticed and was feeling some type of way.

I can’t recall exactly what happened on this day, but I do distinctly remember him saying…

“Why do I get your leftovers?”

He continued…

“You’re always so live and bubbly on Instagram and with your mom group, but how come I don’t get that same energy?”

Can you say “OUCH” 😭😭😭😭😭

Yall… I was hurt, angry and a bit overwhelmed by this truth dart. I tried to say “Babe, that’s because that’s just business, and I have an image to maintain”… but God wasn’t finna let me get away with that excuse!

My husband  was 1,000% right…. and I knew it!

You see sometimes you don’t need to step away and pray for God to  show you what you need to do… sometimes He allows you to see it right then and there and you have to decide what you’re gonna do.

So I turned to him and said “I’m so sorry”. 

I’d been giving my all to so many things that season… my little lady (obvi), my clients, my image… all of it… but my husband… the love of my life… my boo bear… was getting my leftovers! And he felt it.

Although I don’t like that I allowed that to happen… I’m so grateful that:

1.  He felt comfortable telling me how he felt, and was not afraid to question me and my motives (we need that sometimes)

2.  That I was able to receive it and that God was able to work on my heart in the moment

Since then… I’ve made several changes…

1.  I’ve intentionally put my marriage in it’s proper place. My marriage is strong, and it’s even stronger now with the challenges we overcome. I realized that my marriage is to be honored above all else, yes… above my career, serving in church…etc.  If my house isn’ t in order (i.e. my marriage), then what am I really doing. Furthermore, if my hubby tried to give me his leftovers…. LAWD! No Bueno!

2.  I honor the day we set aside for ourselves. I no longer work in any capacity on “our day”. If God called me to do it, then I trust that He will help me to align my life in such a way where I am able to show up in purpose, and honor my commitment to my husband and our spending time together. I’ve had to get really intentional about how I structure my week… oh and my “no” game is stronger than ever!

3.  I schedule “our day” on the calendar. To show how much of a priority our time is together, I put pen to paper and schedule our time together every single week. And now that has transformed into what we call “D-Day” where we sit, discuss what’s working and how we can improve, make decisions for our lives and our family together… and we DATE!!!!

Now please don’t miss the message. There will be times when you need “a moment”. There are times when I truly don’t have “it” to give, and my hubby knows and respects that. He’s also been even more intentional about finding ways to support me when I have “one of those days”. However, if you’re constantly giving all of yourself to everyone else… your family, friends, clients… and your husband is lucky to get an ounce of time/love/affection… then I encourage you to check yourself. 

That should not be the norm, momma.

Check your priorities. Are things in their proper place? Ask God to show you your blind spots. Ask God not only to open your eyes to see, but to open your heart to receive direction and correction.  As wives we have to put pride aside… along with all the narratives that would tell us we’re always right and our husbands should bend to our will…  and courageously do the work to make things right. Let’s stop giving our husbands our leftovers.

Your husband and your marriage are worthy of your first fruits!

Living & Learning!

xx,

Mommy Life

Let’s Talk | “Mommy Pressure” and how to get unstuck

Let’s Talk, “mommy pressure” 😭. We’ve all felt it before, and whether you want to admit it to yourself or not… it’s keeping you from creating and living a life that excites you! Let’s change that! If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed with the “demands” of motherhood… this is for you!! It’s time to get unstuck, release that mommy pressure, and create a life that excites you!

Love what you’re seeing?  Don’t want to miss any other posts or videos? Well, be sure to LIKE, COMMENT, and most importantly SHARE with a momma who needs this!  And be sure to connect with me on Instagram @Reese__Dennis♥️♥️

👀Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. If you’re experiences symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety please call your medical professional ASAP. If you are not able to reach them and feel like you want to harm yourself or your child please call 911 immediately. For further assistance or to talk to a licensed mental health professional please see the resources listed below.

http://www.psychologytoday.com
http://www.melaninandmentalhealth.com
“Therapy for black girls”

 

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!

 

Mommy Life

I’m Starting to LOVE Being a Mom | Video + 3 things that helped me!

👇🏾Watch this👇🏾

1. Giving myself permission to “be” & set my own expectations! 

Knowing that who I am is enough, and embracing what that looks like in each area of my life has been life changing… especially as a mom.  I’ve had to seriously let go of chasing results just to validate myself in the eyes of others (this was huge for me this year). You see before I let go of all the pressure I was putting on myself to perform, I wasn’t embracing the now.  Sometimes, we get so caught up focusing on “becoming” that we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy actually being.  And that, momma,  will always rob you of the beauty of the present.

All of you is worthy and all of your journey is important.

 I truly believe  most of the angst and overwhelm we feel as moms come from trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. We put so much pressure on ourselves. We take all that we see in our community, hear from others, and consume in the media, and allow it to dictate what our lives “should” look like. And what’s wild is that we do all of this without even stopping to ask “is this really the life I want for myself”. Let’s change that.

The life you love is wait for you on the other side of  giving  yourself permission!

2. Embracing gratitude and grace!

I can’t explain it, but as I’ve been  spending time thanking God for my life and being specific and intentional about all that I’m grateful for, it feels like I have a new set of eyes. Like, I used to see my mommy challenges as insurmountable obstacles… like a legit  set up  (😭😭😭).  I now see them as opportunities for God’s grace to overflow, and for Him to help me to grow through it (So I guess it was a set up for God to show up🤭🙌🏾).  Being a mom Is not easy, but shifting my focus from the storm, to The Strong Tower… has made a huge difference in my life! I even look at my husband differently, but that’s a whole other topic for another post.

 Spending time in gratitude has also helped me to recognize, amplify, and enjoy the little things that add so much to my life, especially those moments I spend with my little lady. I laugh so much more,  I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff, and God’s grace looks amazing on me as I grow through my journey!

3 Acknowledging that I’m living the life that I prayed for!

At the beginning of every year, I have this practice of writing out my prayer requests and my vision for the year in the form of praise reports (Thanks to my sister Chris for the Inspo). Basically calling things that are not as though they are. (This is an excellent practice that I’ve helped guide my moms through. It’s been so rewarding, and many have already experienced the life they’ve been praying for, and the year ain’t even over yet!! I’m talking pregnancies, elevation in their businesses… time and intimacy with their spouses… it’s lit in our community)

Well don’t you know I was recently reminded of one of my “praise reports”, from a few years ago!  Here’s what it said:

Thank you Father, for the opportunity to stay at home and raise my family. Thank you that I’m not pressured to work, but my husband and I are stewarding our increase, and are in the position for me to stay home.

Like, do y’all see this! Chills!

 Not gonna lie, after becoming an entrepreneur, I wasn’t always this excited about being at home with my little one.  I told y’all I was wrapped up, tied up… tangled up in that pressure to perform; chasing the success that I thought would gain me the approval of others.  But now… now that I’ve fixed my eyes on God’s faithfulness to me… I can now see and live in the blessing that is my life!

Prayer

Thank you Father, for showing me new ways to enjoy being a mom.  I love my children, and I am learning to love MY mommy journey. I give myself permission to let go of what doesn’t belong, and will replace it with gratitude as Your grace covers me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be a mommy, and I know that You will continue to guide me and show up for me, as I continue to acknowledge you in all of my ways. Through trials, triumphs and as I build my testimony… the process doesn’t have to overwhelm me! I am fully persuaded that I am called and equipped to be a great mom; as I  create and live an exciting and fulfilling life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Be Encouraged, momma!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!

 

Mommy Life

This is Happening and You’re Invited | Mommy Slay Hour

Calling all my bomb Mommas!!

Okay, I am hyped, and I ain’t coming down no time soon!

Your girl is hosting a whole virtual event just for us mommas to show up and SLAY… And you are invited! Yes, you momma!

Grab your fave lippie, throw on some lashes, grab that yummy number you’ve been dying to wear and join us for what is sure to be one of the “littiest” (aaayeeee) virtual mommy socials to date! 

Click the invite above, or click here to register for free!  Can’t wait to connect!

xx,

encouragement

Behind the Scenes | 2 Things I’m Committed to As a #Mommypreneur

Okay sooooo, this past week hubby and I watched the show “Love is Blind” on Netflix!! Did you see it? No? Do yourself a favor and catch it during this COVID19 lockdown. You will not be disappointed.

Anyway…

I saw Vanessa Lachey (she hosted the show with her hubby Nick) and immediately thought of this Christmas movie, A Twist of Christmas. She was some sort of reporter and had an opportunity to interview a best selling author who was the face of “managing it all/you can have it all” for moms! Yes, this man was the “expert” on keeping all things at home in order. Crazy!!! Lol

During this interview, she mentioned how she felt like somewhat of a failure because she hadn’t been able to keep up with all that he spoke about in his book. She felt like her life wasn’t together, especially as a single mom with a career!

Then it happened… the author slipped up and shared his secret to success! He goes “Oh, I have people for all of that…He has:

🗣 a maid

🗣 a cook

🗣 nanny

🗣 an assistant…etc

Lawd! A whole lie!  This man wrote a whole book as if he were doing it all, when in reality he had people working behind the scenes for him! Y’all, I was feeling some sort of way… yelling at the screen with all my black girl magic! 🗣😂

Okay! I know it’s just a movie, but man oh man, did it give me some serious perspective!

2 things:

1. Don’t compare to others. (Obvi, but I needed the reminder)

In the movie, Vanessa felt like a failure because she couldn’t keep up with the ideals/lifestyle put forth in that best selling book. But how many of us as women/moms/mommypreneurs feel like failures/”less than”  because we feel that we can’t keep up with our counterparts based solely on what we see posted on social media? I know I did at one point! I follow a lot of influencers who are also moms, and Before Dream got here I thought I could manage my life/time/business the same way they did. 

Not only was I wrong,but I soon realized as I got into the “thick of it” and actually had to raise Dream, not many spoke of their challenges. Yes, some shared an “it’s challenging” post here and there, but the images seemed so perfect I thought there was no way that they could relate to my situation. For a moment, I felt alone in this mommypreneur space. Not fun. Thank God for my people who swooped in and quickly got me together!

Comparison kills in every area of life! And for me, comparing what I’m able to do in this season with what I see others doing, isn’t wise! God has graced me to live MY LIFE, not theirs. So with that, when I see others going on vacations, or other mommypreneurs who are traveling/speaking/hosting/ living baby free,  and showing up in life and business differently than I am… I cannot compare. Their “behind the scenes” isn’t the same as mine and that’s okay! Whether they decide to share what’s happening behind the scenes or not, it’s none of my business.  I still celebrate! I truly want us ALL to win, however, I don’t live my life trying to keep up!

“God has called and graced me to live MY LIFE, not theirs”

 

2. Be REAL and authentic with your platform/message/story

As I’m sharing more of what it’s like for me to be A WHOLE MOM, who is also building her empire… I have to be real!

🗣It’s fun at times, and other times it’s EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING!

🗣I get it right some days, and other days… Lord Help Me😭😂

I’m here to use my journey, my story (Lessons learned and victories), to empower other mommas who are building as well! I love pretty pictures, and I’m pretty good with sprinkling my words with just the right amount of sparkle to keep up appearances. But is that impact as God designed?

The word says “His power is made perfect in my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). So when we share our story… those authentic, imperfect parts of us that won’t fit behind an Instagram filter… I truly believe God’s power shows up in a mighty way!

So I’m grateful for this opportunity. I’m living what I share.

I don’t have a maid, a cook, or an assistant, but I do have:

🗣 Perspective

🗣 A voice

🗣 A story

🗣and the passion to help myself and other women in my shoes OWN everything God has for us!

My “behind the scenes” is front and center!

Reese