Confident Mom · encouragement · Mommy Life · mommy support

How to Overcome MOM GUILT When you Make a Mistake

I’m writing this in REAL TIME, a littler over 24 hours since I felt the most intense and overwhelming mom guilt I’ve ever felt in my life as a mom.

I’m a Stay at home mom of two small, amazing children and God is truly showing me how to navigate this new space as a mom of two, with grace. I’m creating my flow (more on this later), and I feel like God is showing me what it means to be an overcomer as a mom! I truly want to experience the goodness of God and His joy in my motherhood. Period.

The other day, I was home having a pretty amazing day with my littles. My toddler was in a great space, the tantrums were at an all time low, and your girl actually got a little nap during the day when the baby slept.

I created a little menu so I knew exactly what to prepare for dinner, and we’ve been working with my toddler to help her follow a set routine throughout the day, and it’s been working.

It was now dinner time. Food was ready. My toddler was making her way to the table…

And that’s when it happened!

I took my eyes off my baby boy for what felt like a matter of seconds, and he had an accident. It was one of the scariest moments of my life and I still can’t get over how fast it happened.

I immediately pulled my son in close and began to plead the blood of Jesus over his life… tongues that I’ve never spoken before began to flood out of my mouth, as I prayed over his life and body!

It wasn’t long before he was resting peacefully in my arms, aware that he was safe, loved, cared for…

Then it hit me.

It was like I became aware of my part in this incident and the guilt overwhelmed me!

All of the “coulda, shoulda, wolds’ came flashing before me, and I couldn’t help but to wail because I felt like such a huge failure in that moment!

This one moment, caused me to doubt all that I had done up tot this point.

I prayed for God to help me, because I was having such a HARD TIME… and I felt led to reach out to “my people”.  God knew!

They calmed me down, while letting me express myself. Prayed over me and spoke life into me, when I just couldn’t seem to speak over myself, and held me up during one of my most difficult mommy moments!

I started to feel better.

I finally called my hubby, and as soon as he declared “Our son will be well”, something leapt in my spirit. It was like his word of life was the final ingredient to help me to tap into what I needed to overcome in the moment!

as Mention played throughout the night, I just kept calling on the name of Jesus. Weeping endures for a night, oh but Joy always comes!

Fast forward to this very moment, tears of gratitude are welling up.  My son IS well. As I nursed him I sang go God’s faithfulness. Considering the fall my son took, the doctor was amazed that he only sustained a tiny bruise on his lip.

Father, I PRAISE YOU!!!!

WE know GOD KEPT OUR SON! There is a promise on his life, and no weapon formed against him will prosper!

What I’m LEARNING from this:

1. We all make mistakes as moms, and making a mistake or having a bad moment doesn’t negate how amazing of a mom I am. Yes, You can be a WONDERFUL momma and still experience less than wonderful moments. But there is hope. we Have Jesus. And remember as I’ve shared before  “You’re the right mom with the right kid(s)”  I will never take his grace  for granted.

2. No matter what we face, EVERY BURDEN, EVERY CARE and EVERY WORRY can and must be laid at feet of Jesus. And when we cast our cares onto Him, we have to learn to leave it there (I’m working on it).  Tell His every detail, cry it out in His presence, and  allow His power, love and sound mind (unexplainable PEACE) to overwhelm you! His peace will flush out the worry! Oh Hallelujah!

3. As God directs, rely on those trusted loved ones to hold you up, pray you and embrace you (in person) through difficult moments. The effectual fervent prayer of the RIGHTEOUS availeth much (James 5:16)! And there is so so soooo much safety in the precess of wise counsel (Proverbs 11:14)! I simply couldn’t imagine my life without these women in it. I’m so grateful…. Words cannot even describe!

4. SPEAK God’s word over your life and your family. The one thing  that I was constantly reminded of is that  mom guilt is not from God. Beating yourself up (aka Condemnation), is not in His will for His children. What you do is focus on the goodness, faithfulness and promises of God. He is our firm foundation. Speak life!  Remember the promise of God.

5. There is joy, and that is our strength!  Nothing about being a mom will EVER be perfect. And like I said before, even the best of moms have tough moments and make mistakes. It is truly a part of life, and I know that because God is with us, forgiving, keeping, refreshing, directing, loving, providing for us in the midst of it all… we can count it all joy. He is an EVER PRESENT HELP in the time of trouble! WHEW THAT HIT ME!!! Ever PRESENT!!! I am His daughter, so even when I make mistakes, and accidents happen… His promise is to NEVER LEAVE me nor FORSAKE me! And that promise extends to my children. He is perfecting that which concerns me, my family, my children and the generations to come!

God is FAITHFUL, and the more I focus on His goodness in His presence, the guilt is melting away! I wish I could say, it left instantly, but it hasn’t. Every day I have to arrest my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and replace them with the spoke truth of God’s word! Everyday, throughout the day!

As I’m  growing through one of the most challenging moments of my mom life to date, I am grateful for my children and to have a GOOD GOOD FATHER, who LOVES ME and my Children. He is a KEEPER! He is intentional about the people He’s placed in my life, and I will forever see His goodness when I look at my son!

 

I sought the LORD [on the authority of His word], and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 AMP

I will sing of the goodness and lovingkindness of the LORD forever; With my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness from generation to generation. Psalm 89:1 AMP

 

Momma, I encourage you to cling closer to Him in your motherhood, than ever before! Trust Him with your life, your family, and your children! God is a keeper!

xx

 

 

 

 

HAVING A HARD TIME? LISTEN TO THIS!

 

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Confident Mom · encouragement · Married Life · Married Moms · Mommy Life · Self Care

3 Unexpected Ways to Self Care | #3 Changed My Life

Since becoming a mom, I realized just how valuable it is for me to prioritize what I need  to fill MY cup, so that I am are able to pour into my family and show up in the areas that matter most to me (my definition of self care). In my latest video “The hard Seasons of Mom Life“, I shared how this year has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Like for real, FOR REAL!  And with that  I’ve realized just how deep this practice of self care actual goes to help me in the midst of those most trying seasons of motherhood and life! If you know me you know I love my bi-weekly massages, Selfish Sundays, and alone time in the morning before my family wakes up…. but this year there have been 3 unexpected ways that I’ve been caring for myself that have helped me to remain in a place of victory during the storms of life.  #3 a really did me in!

1. Preparation

Yes, you read that correctly, Preparation has become a form of self care for me. With so many moving parts to my day, week, month… I found that preparation gives me the peace of mind that I’ve been missing, especially when all those parts are moving at the same time.  One excellent example of this is clothes prep. Now I know this is not anything new, but it is for me. I am used to preparing the night before for the next day. But I really kicked things into high gear when I started to prepare for the week. It started with Dream’s outfits for the week. From her school clothes to her pjs, everything was laid out for the week. Then I added in my clothes for the week, from lounge wear to what I would wear to the gym… everything was set so I could “grab and go”!

Hubby was already taken care of. I don’t lay anything out for him, but I do ensure that his work clothes are washed, folded and ready for the week. I’m telling you… this has been a game changer. I’m not perfect by any means, and some mornings are still very much so a circus (I have a very active toddler on my hands), but this has added to my peace of mind and now I am looking at how I can add this level of preparedness to other areas of my life. How about you?

2. Spending intentional time with God, in His Word and in Worship

As a Believer (Jesus Christ Follower), I know this is something I need to do to live a life pleasing to God.  but if I’m being honest, it  wasn’t until I became a mom that I realized just how much my sanity depended on it. Yes… my sanity… mental health… peace of mind. I’m not talking about a quick Bible plan here and there, I mean a deep dive into the truths of His word,  and discovering how it applies to my life as a wife and mom.

Most recently,  Hebrews 6:10 spoke new life into me and encouraged me to the point of tears…

For God, the Faithful One, is not unfair. How can he forget the beautiful work you have done for him? He remembers the love you demonstrate as you continually serve his beloved ones for the glory of his name. (Hebrews 6:10 TPT)

Being a mom is one of the absolute best things in the world… it is also the most difficult job I’ve ever been trusted with. So when I think of all of the mundane tasks throughout my day as a stay at home wife and mom, it can seem as though so much of what I do goes unnoticed.

When I saw this verse and really allowed God to open my heart to receive it… I understood that He sees it all.  As I continually serve his beloved ones (my husband and children), not one thing I do goes unnoticed or without eternal reward. Add in Matthew 11:28 TPT… Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis”... and it’s just the reminder I need to breathe, reset, and refocus during those difficult moments.

Worship and gratitude have also proven to be excellent ways to self care. Crazy how taking my focus and attention off of myself, and instead focusing on the goodness of God, actually helps me to feel better and see more clearly.  From attending church regularly, to my weekly gratitude walks, to filling my home with worship throughout the day… the impact this has on my well being and peace of mind is unmatched!

3. Letting go of things that don’t align with who GOD is calling me to be

Read that again. I’ve always prided myself in letting go of things that don’t align with the woman I wanted to be… but this year, God interrupted my entire life and help me to see that I needed to focus on become the woman HE is calling me to be. And let me tell you, the two are not  the same.

The woman I wanted to be was someone who was perfect, liked, celebrated, sought after, successful, embracing all things easy and beautiful and avoiding all things challenging. Crazy that I seriously lived my life by these standards, only to realize it was leading me down a path of superficial relevance full of unrealistic expectations, misaligned relationships, and people pleasing. And quite frankly there wasn’t much peace, joy or even growth there. Just feeling of inadequacy and piles of disappointment. 

The woman God is calling me to be  is loved, saved by grace, significant, a woman of gratitude living for an audience of One, joy filled and victorious in the midst of life challenges, abounding in the truth of His Word, and enjoying the abundance of this thing called life as I obey and abide in Him… as a wife, mom, and woman.

Really putting God first isn’t popular or trendy. There’s no “people pleasing” or “perfection” on this road. My relationships have changed (yes, I’ve had to mourn the loss of some friendships), old habits have had to die (most of which I thought defined me… my GOD),  and I’ve faced challenges that I wouldn’t want anyone else to endure!   But who I am becoming as a result of my obedience, and the life God has blessed me to experience,  is greater than I can ask think or even imagine! So yea. I’d call that self care!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

Check out my Self Care Guide for  Moms!

Click here to learn all about it and see if this is right for you!

Confident Mom · Married Life · Married Moms · Mommy Life · mommy support

Video| Unpopular Opinion | Celebrate Your Husband

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Grab the Mommy Support Cheat Sheet Here!

‼️‼️Unpopular opinion ‼️‼️

‼️It’s OKAY to celebrate YOUR husband and the ways he steps up to support YOU as a mom, even for things other people say isn’t a big deal because that’s what he “should be doing”! 

Just imagine what a difference it could make if the next time your husband steps up to support YOU as a mom (especially after doing the work to be specific in asking  for the support that you need from him)

you replaced your…

❌“It’s about time you stepped up” attitude/comment

With

✅ “Babe… I see you stepping up for me and the family”

Or

✅ “Thank you so much for making me/us/this a priority”

Or a simple

✅ “Thank you. I appreciate you”

 

What we focus on… whether with criticism or encouragement… is often what we SEE repeated!

Ask yourself…

Am I encouraging my man and letting him know I appreciate the ways he’s supporting me and the family? (Yes, even while you’re working on other areas?)

Or do you find yourself **ONLY** highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you?

Listen no husband/wife or marriage is perfect… we all make mistakes, fall short, miss the mark… but I find it to be so very important to celebrate the moments when we get it right, as we work on those other areas!

You can do both! Stop letting culture dictate what’s worthy of celebrating in your marriage!

Momma, I know firsthand the power of recognition/celebration/making deposits.. and I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husband  will only do wonders for the future of how he supports you as a mom!

Grab the Mommy Support Cheat Sheet Here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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encouragement · Mommy Life

If You’ve Ever Doubted Yourself as A Mom, This is for You!

That feeling of “am I the right mom for this”, crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

If you’re a mom, I’m sure that you can agree that The days are long, and the tantrums often seem just as great as the triumphs. But it is in those moments,  that I’ve learned to press in even more to the ever-loving arm of my Savior and the TRUTH of His Word! Prayers, weeping and my full surrender merge to help me see more clearly that all that is happening in my life is happening FOR ME not TO ME.

I am the mom that my little one needs! Being her momma is a major part of my divine assignment, and when I feel weak… HE Is STRONG! He is my strength, my Strong Tower… my fortress… a very present help ALWAYS! My confidence as a mom, comes directly from Him!

So with this revelation in mind, and my heart fully opened to receive, that Lord spoke this word to me and I just knew I needed to share this with you!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

9 Ways to Protect Your Peace | #6 is the One

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If it works for you… then do you, sis! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you, and keep you stuck in overwhelm trying to keep up and do all the things. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!