Married Life · Mommy Life

“Selfish Sunday” + How to Reclaim Your Time as a Mom

Over the past 15 months, I’ve intentionally been creating space, and making the time to care for myself. Every single “Selfish Sunday” (i.e My personal Self Care Day to res, renew and revive myself), has been lit, and it’s been a game changer for how I show up as a mom!

I know we often talk about “filling our cups” as moms, but how many of us can say that we intentionally and consistently make the time to do just that.

We all know mom life is filled with SO MUCH for us to do, and when we continually push and push and push, without taking the time to recharge… it’s no wonder over 90% of millennial moms say they feel overwhelmed and burned out (Mother.ly survey)!

And believe me, I get it. I know what it’s like to feel completely overwhelmed. Like you’ve been thrown into the deep, but haven’t learned how to swim yet. YIKES, I know!

It all started about a year ago, after one of the lowest points in my mommy journey.  After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to put my exclusively  breastfed  baby to sleep that night, I’d reached my breaking point.

Now, It wasn’t my overtired little one that did it, although sleep has been a serious pain point for me. But  that moment was truly the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

You see, up until that point I’d been doing everything and showing up for everyone, but myself. Yes, I’d have a moment to myself here and there, but truly I’d taken on the “supermom” role doing it all alone, when I had people, including a whole husband, ready to support me.

Well that night, I was fading fast.  I could literally feel the tears and tension rising!

My husband came home right on time.  As soon as he walked into the room, I handed our little lady over and made my way to the bathroom. I’d barely closed the door when my knees dropped to the floor.  It was all so much, and I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed.  All I could do was cry out to God and say,

“If you don’t help me I’m not going to make it”.  I’d had enough of trying to do it all.

It was evident that I was running close to “empty”. I needed some serious  self-care, to fill my cup

I got up from the bathroom floor, tears still flowing, and felt led to call my sister for support. As a fellow momma, I just knew she would get it and would be able to speak into my life. She encouraged me, and told me how important it is for us as moms to take time away, especially during a pandemic. So I took her words to heart, grabbed a blanket and sat in the car outside of my home for 30 minutes to cry, pray and regroup. Yes, in my car and it was just what I needed.

In that moment, it was clear that I needed this time, and then some. And as soon as I walked back in the house, I told my husband I needed to take some time to get myself together. He was 100% on board. So I went to my family calendar, looked to see when my husband was off from work next, and scheduled a lunch date for myself… which just so happened to be the very next day 🙌🏾.

I pumped, and prepared everything hubby would need so that I could peacefully enjoy sometime by myself… and it was everything.  No phone, no agenda… I literally sat at the table, and stared at the green bush in front of my while I enjoyed my meal in silence. I can’t explain it, but it was amazing. I was only gone for a little over 2 hours, but I felt like a brand new mom when I came back home.  Since then, I’ve been on a serious mission to care for myself as a top priority in my life…yes as a whole mom.

✅ I’ve scheduled and enjoyed my “Selfish Sunday  every month for the past 15 months… and your girl is still going strong!

✅ I’ve also been able to find pockets of time… EVERY SINGLE DAY, to enjoy self-care using the “Self Care Strategy” I share in my Self Care Toolkit… see below.  I told you all in a previous post, Showers and beauty maintenance are forms of self care for me.  Those “mini moments” they count and I enjoy them all!

✅ I am no longer obsessed with pleasing other, or trying to do it all alone. There ain’t no prize for running myself into the ground, and I refuse to wear overwhelm & burnout as some sort of VIP access badge for mom life. NO! I am learning how to ask for the support  that I need… EVERY SINGLE TIME, and it’s been a game changer!

Listen, I’ve had to do the work, and it has always been worth it!

Selfcare in my life has gone from a once in a blue moon treat, to an EVERY DAY necessity. Yes, I find “mini moments” for myself everyday, in addition to the other ways I need to care for myself… spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally.

I’ve reclaimed my time. Self care has become my lifestyle. 

 I want the same for you.  It’s time to reclaim your time. It’s time to make yourself a top priority. Here’s a great place to start:

1 Get Familiar with your schedule.

Identify when you/your spouse have a day off and pre-plan to enjoy time for yourself that day.  That’s exactly how it all started for me. Start as small as you need to. I know we all want to disappear for a week… or even a month (lol), but for most of us that just is not possible in this season. What is possible, is for you to secure 30 min – 1 hour of time to disappear. Start there, and grow! I promise making this small step will help you to continue on!

2 Schedule Yourself!

Yes, as you identify moments in your schedule where you can slip away… (whether an ice cream break in the car, a lunch date with friends, or a weekend getaway)… take pen to paper and write it down. Use that “mini pocket assistant” (cell phone), and set all alarms, alerts, reminders and timers! It doesn’t matter if it is 30 minutes or a full weekend. Get Your Time, Momma! All those moments matter… so take advantage!

3 Ask for support!

You don’t have to do it all alone. Remember there is no special prize, or reward for driving yourself into the ground, trying to do it all  alone. Ask for the support you need and accept it when it is offered!  For my married mommas, I share a great deal about this in my post here it’s a must read… because Ain’t no way God intended for you to be married, but still feel like you’re single doing it all alone… and you have a whole husband! Sis!!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

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