Married Life · Mommy Life

Stop Giving Your Husband Your “Leftovers” | A Lesson for the Married Mommas!

It was a Thursday evening, back in fall 2020.  I’d just ended a Live Training for  Mommy Stylists, while my husband took over all the evening/ night time duties with our 16 month old.

While putting away my tripod, laptop and equipment… my husband came downstairs hyped because he’d successfully put our little lady to sleep with minimal effort.

Y’all… the brother was READY  to hang out.

But I was tired, and all I wanted to do was wind down and sleep.

You see this particular “Thursday”  was “our day”. Before Dream was born, Thursday was our date day, and once Dream popped up on the scene, we decided it would become family day (unless we had someone to watch her, then of course we could date like old times).

But slowly and ever so surely… Thursday turned into my “work day”. 😬

It started off pretty innocently. 

A quick call early in the morning before our day together started.  Then a “quick” client from 7-10. But over time those “quick” work things started to become my norm, and I was working well into the time that was supposed to be just for us. I kinda noticed but hubby really noticed and was feeling some type of way.

I can’t recall exactly what happened on this day, but I do distinctly remember him saying…

“Why do I get your leftovers?”

He continued…

“You’re always so live and bubbly on Instagram and with your mom group, but how come I don’t get that same energy?”

Can you say “OUCH” 😭😭😭😭😭

Yall… I was hurt, angry and a bit overwhelmed by this truth dart. I tried to say “Babe, that’s because that’s just business, and I have an image to maintain”… but God wasn’t finna let me get away with that excuse!

My husband  was 1,000% right…. and I knew it!

You see sometimes you don’t need to step away and pray for God to  show you what you need to do… sometimes He allows you to see it right then and there and you have to decide what you’re gonna do.

So I turned to him and said “I’m so sorry”. 

I’d been giving my all to so many things that season… my little lady (obvi), my clients, my image… all of it… but my husband… the love of my life… my boo bear… was getting my leftovers! And he felt it.

Although I don’t like that I allowed that to happen… I’m so grateful that:

1.  He felt comfortable telling me how he felt, and was not afraid to question me and my motives (we need that sometimes)

2.  That I was able to receive it and that God was able to work on my heart in the moment

Since then… I’ve made several changes…

1.  I’ve intentionally put my marriage in it’s proper place. My marriage is strong, and it’s even stronger now with the challenges we overcome. I realized that my marriage is to be honored above all else, yes… above my career, serving in church…etc.  If my house isn’ t in order (i.e. my marriage), then what am I really doing. Furthermore, if my hubby tried to give me his leftovers…. LAWD! No Bueno!

2.  I honor the day we set aside for ourselves. I no longer work in any capacity on “our day”. If God called me to do it, then I trust that He will help me to align my life in such a way where I am able to show up in purpose, and honor my commitment to my husband and our spending time together. I’ve had to get really intentional about how I structure my week… oh and my “no” game is stronger than ever!

3.  I schedule “our day” on the calendar. To show how much of a priority our time is together, I put pen to paper and schedule our time together every single week. And now that has transformed into what we call “D-Day” where we sit, discuss what’s working and how we can improve, make decisions for our lives and our family together… and we DATE!!!!

Now please don’t miss the message. There will be times when you need “a moment”. There are times when I truly don’t have “it” to give, and my hubby knows and respects that. He’s also been even more intentional about finding ways to support me when I have “one of those days”. However, if you’re constantly giving all of yourself to everyone else… your family, friends, clients… and your husband is lucky to get an ounce of time/love/affection… then I encourage you to check yourself. 

That should not be the norm, momma.

Check your priorities. Are things in their proper place? Ask God to show you your blind spots. Ask God not only to open your eyes to see, but to open your heart to receive direction and correction.  As wives we have to put pride aside… along with all the narratives that would tell us we’re always right and our husbands should bend to our will…  and courageously do the work to make things right. Let’s stop giving our husbands our leftovers.

Your husband and your marriage are worthy of your first fruits!

Living & Learning!

xx,

encouragement

Replay | Fierce 5 💍 LIVE CHAT w/ Lady Shante Baldwin

Hey ladies! In case you missed our final Fierce 5 Live Chat with Lady Shante Baldwin, the replay is posted below!  YASSSSSS!!!! PRESS PLAY and get your entire life🔥🔥🔥! Be sure to like, comment, and share! Super excited for what’s in store next!

 

 

Love what you’re seeing?  Don’t want to miss any other posts or videos? Well, be sure to LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE! Join in for more empowerment tips on how to live your best life; mind, business, & relationships.  And be sure to connect with me on Instagram @Reese__Dennis♥️♥️

encouragement

Week 5 | Fierce 5💍 Marriage Series | Lady Shante Baldwin

fierce 5 lady baldwin

 

It’s week 5 of the Fierce 5💍 Marriage Series, and we’re ending the series with another BOMB feature!! Yaaaasssss! The super fly Lady Shante Baldwin, is dropping gems! Married for 14 years, check out what she has to say about respecting differences, affirming your spouse’s leadership, and how to embrace the “waiting room”.


1. How many years have you been married,

and what has being married for xx years taught you?

 

I have been married for 14 years,  going on 15 in August. As I reflect on the last 14, one of the things it has taught me was to respect our differences. See we are different in many ways, He is an extrovert and I am an introvert. He’s out going and I’m laid back. Over the years I had to learn that our personalities are not the same. We were different in the way we walked, the way we talked, the way we moved etc. This brought on lots of disagreements. I like purple I like blue, it doesn’t take all that, it does take all that lol. Then finally it was an “aha” moment in my marriage where I recognized, I had to master my husband’s personality to understand why he does what he does, and thinks the way he thinks. I was stretched beyond my understanding. During the process, there were many ups and downs, heated fellowships and challenging moments, but love would win every time. Knowing your spouse’s personality is key.  This will bring peace within the marriage and help you to understand your spouse more and more.

2. You are definitely a “woman of purpose” how have you navigated that space of being a help-mate for your husband, and a woman with a purpose/platform/ministry? What challenges have you had to overcome and how?

Navigating through being a helpmate to my Husband and a woman of purpose was challenging at times. At one point, I was working full time, taking care of the household, we had three children and the ministry.  You can imagine lol. I was meeting with women in the ministry, preparing for women fellowships, and so much more. It became challenging and the load was heavy. I was confronted with needing to create balance that would not disrupt my home. I prayed and sought the Lord for wisdom. I knew that I was to be that proverbs 31 women.  Having a true man of God makes all the difference, because we both knew we were called to be a Man and a Women of purpose, we had to come up with something that worked for us. We worked together, shared the tasks at hand, and split the responsibilities. We overcame by understanding each other’s unique identity, talents, calling etc. One of the things that my husband and myself would always say we were “married on purpose”.

3. What word of advice/wisdom do you have for the young wife who is struggling with “submission”?
.

The bible tells us to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. Submission does not mean that a wife is inferior, less intelligent or less competent than her husband. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a voice or that he is controlling, it’s about trusting your husband to lead the family and aligning your heart with the vision of the marriage. It gives the wife the opportunity to affirm his leadership. As a new wife, you must allow your husband to lead in a way that he submits to the Lord, and you submit to him. It’s nothing wrong with you giving input, asking questions and helping. Submit in a way that he knows that you are his biggest cheerleader and got his back.

4. What about the singles who want to be married, and feel like they’ve been waiting FOREVER? What does it truly mean to “wait on God” as a single woman waiting to be found? Is it just a cliche?

What a great question. Waiting on God is not a cliché at all. I waited!  Ladies be encouraged in the waiting room. It does not mean you sit around and wait for your mate. Waiting on the Lord truly means that you embrace this moment. Use this time to become:

A lady of reckless abandon, unlocking the treasures that are inside of you.

A lady of diligence being diligent with your relationship with the Lord.

A lady of virtue sharing high moral standards, not compromising in any way shape or form, but working on yourself.

Become a woman that is whole and let Him find you serving the Lord, emotionally healthy, and Spiritually sound. When he shows up, you will be ready, set and sound to receive who God has for you.

5. Anything else/advice/wisdom you feel led to share?

Ladies remember that there is not another you! Whatever your position is, whether you are married or single, show up well and Maximize Destiny Now!!!

Lady Shante Baldwin

 

Yasssss to all of the above! Love what you’re reading! Be sure to comment below and let us know your thoughts! We’re going LIVE for another Fierce 5 chat and changing this up a bit! So be sure to connect with me on Facebook so you don’t miss out!

And be sure to connect with me on Instagram, @reese__dennis, for a more wisdom  from the Fierce 5💍 ! Can’t wait to hear from you!

Reese

encouragement

Replay | Fierce 5 💍 LIVE CHAT w/ Tia Glenn

Hey ladies! In case you missed this week’s Fierce 5 Live Chat with Tia Glenn, the replay is posted below! We did things a little different this time around and went live on FB! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Having just a few technical difficulties getting the actual video posted… So click the link below to view the full replay! Get your entire life🔥🔥🔥! Be sure to like, comment, and share! Super excited for this week’s feature! 

Click here to view live Chat!

Love what you’re seeing?  Don’t want to miss any other posts or videos? Well, be sure to LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE! Join in for more empowerment tips on how to live your best life; mind, business, & relationships.  And be sure to connect with me on Instagram @Reese__Dennis♥️♥️

Married Life

Week 4 | Fierce 5💍 Marriage Series | Tia Glenn

Fierce 5 Tia Glenn

It’s week 4 of the Fierce 5💍 Marriage Series and this week’s feature has me bouncing in my seat! Yaaaasssss! Tia Glenn, is giving me life with these words of wisdom! Married for 13 years, check out what she has to say about what it takes to build a strong marriage, the importance of plugging into the “Source”, and how to live your “best life” while waiting on God! 


1. How many years have you been married,

and what has being married for xx years taught you?

 

I have been married for almost 13 years (will celebrate in July of this year).  Every year our relationship and love for one another grows deeper and stronger.

By nature, we can be selfish. Many of us want what we want, how we want it, and when we want it. Marriage shows you who you really are on the inside. I was very selfish in the beginning of our marriage and often focused on what I was getting or not getting from the marriage.  As we began to grow as one and I began to release the emotional baggage from past hurts, failures, and relationships, I learned how to truly love and be loved.

Marriage is unconditional, never failing, unwavering love for one another.

A strong marriage takes commitment, patience, sacrifice, dedication, and a passion to please your spouse.

2. You are definitely a “woman of purpose” how have you navigated that space of being a help-mate for your husband, and a woman with a purpose/platform/ministry? What challenges have you had to overcome and how?

As women, we have many roles. We are business owners, leaders, wives, mothers, daughters, friends, serving our husbands, families, and in our communities and churches.  My most cherished role is being a wife and a mother.  My family always remains my number one priority.  I absolutely enjoy supporting my husband in every way and helping him be his best.   As a woman wearing many hats, it is easy to focus on serving others and to forget to take care of ourselves, mentally, physically, and spiritually.  If you constantly pour out into others and never take the time to refuel, you will be emptySo as dynamic and powerful ladies, we must continuously plug into our power source, the Holy Spirit.  We must never become so busy that we don’t take that daily personal and intimate time with God to hear His voice, His guidance and direction for our lives.  When our plans intertwine with His plans, there is complete peace of mind, clarity, and balance.

3. What word of advice/wisdom do you have for the young wife who is struggling with “submission”?
.

Ladies, the struggle is over!  The word submission is defined as “to submit” or “to yield oneself to the authority of another”.  To submit simply means to place yourself under the authority of your husband.  Submission is not a sign of weakness…When you have a Godly husband who loves and submits to the Lord, it is easy to submit because you are submitting to his love, protection, guidance, and his leadership.  Submission is not accomplished by force, but it is a choice.  God does not force us to do anything.  He loves us so much, that he gives us the power of choice.  Submission requires humility and prayer.

4. What about the singles who want to be married, and feel like they’ve been waiting FOREVER? What does it truly mean to “wait on God” as a single woman waiting to be found? Is it just a cliche?

Enjoy your singleness.  Every season of our lives is a gift and has something special to offer.  Live, laugh, and love God and yourself while you wait! Live your best life while you wait for the one God has for you.  When you have a personal relationship with God you TRUST and KNOW that the one He brings in your life will be worth the wait, and specifically designed for you.  During your wait, guard your heart and your mind. #watchyourthoughts.  The mind is so powerful!  The Word says, “as a man thinketh, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). We can literally think things in or out of our lives.  What you believe and think will manifest itself in your life! Don’t you doubt, get discouraged, or give up!

Often times we pray and ask God for our wish list of the “type” of man we want and make plain all the things we “don’t want” in a man.  If your heart’s desire is to be married, God will grant you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).  Focus on your relationship with God and with yourself. You must first love God and yourself before you can love anyone else.  

5. Anything else/advice/wisdom you feel led to share?

Marriage is not for our individual pleasure, although this is a benefit of the covenant relationship.  God’s desire and design for marriage is for it to be a physical depiction of God’s love for us and to bring Him glory.  When we focus on first pleasing God in every area of our lives and loving others as Christ loves us, then everything in your life will fall into place.  There is no doubt that when your plans align with God plans, this ignites supernatural power in your life and you can and will LIVE your BEST life!

Love,

Tia😘


 

Yasssss to all of the above! Love what you’re reading! Be sure to comment below and let us know your thoughts! We’re going LIVE for another Fierce 5 chat and changing this up a bit! So be sure to connect with me on Facebook so you don’t miss out!

And be sure to connect with me on Instagram, @reese__dennis, for a more wisdom  from the Fierce 5💍 ! Can’t wait to hear from you!

Reese