Today Hubby and I Celebrate our 7th Wedding Anniversary and what an amazing journey it has been so far! From purchasing our first home together, become first time parents, multiple career transitions, the passing of loved ones, overcoming and working through disagreements, watching God provide abundantly during a pandemic, overcoming illnesses, learning how to raise a toddler… and so so so much love, joy and laughter in the midst of it all… the growth has been unmatched and our marriage is stronger because of it all!
But I have to take a moment to share the real secrets behind our thriving marriage, something that so many people talk about and perhaps seldom actually rely on! Watch my Reflection video, and be sure to check out 7 biblical principles I live by as a wife in my marriage!
And as always…. be sure to share with someone who needs it!
7 Biblical Principles I live by in my Marriage:
1 Always check yourself first before expecting God to check your spouse (Matthew 7:1-3)
2 Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)
3 Only God can change your spouse (Proverbs 21:1)
4. Pray about everything… EVERYTHING (Philippians 4:6)
5 Withholding sex as strategy is not of God (1 Corinthians 7:4)
‼️It’s OKAY to celebrate YOUR husband and the ways he steps up to support YOU as a mom, even for things other people say isn’t a big deal because that’s what he “should be doing”!
Just imagine what a difference it could make if the next time your husband steps up to support YOU as a mom (especially after doing the work to be specific in askingfor the support that you need from him)
you replaced your…
❌“It’s about time you stepped up” attitude/comment
With
✅ “Babe… I see you stepping up for me and the family”
Or
✅ “Thank you so much for making me/us/this a priority”
Or a simple
✅ “Thank you. I appreciate you”
What we focus on… whether with criticism or encouragement… is often what we SEE repeated!
Ask yourself…
Am I encouraging my man and letting him know I appreciate the ways he’s supporting me and the family? (Yes, even while you’re working on other areas?)
Or do you find yourself **ONLY** highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you?
Listen no husband/wife or marriage is perfect… we all make mistakes, fall short, miss the mark… but I find it to be so very important to celebrate the moments when we get it right, as we work on those other areas!
You can do both! Stop letting culture dictate what’s worthy of celebrating in your marriage!
Momma, I know firsthand the power of recognition/celebration/making deposits.. and I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husbandwill only do wonders for the future of how he supports you as a mom!
and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.
So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!
SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!
1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!
Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.
2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.
Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.
3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.
Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.
4. Don’t take it personal.
Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go! If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!
5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!
You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).
6. It’s okay to pay for peace.
If it works for you… then do you, sis! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you, and keep you stuck in overwhelm trying to keep up and do all the things. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary. No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!
7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement.
Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma. And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it! And only come back when you’re ready. And if you feel like what you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.
8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.
Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”. It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!
9. Your marriage and family come first.
and ONLY after our relationship with God! But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles! Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended. Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!
What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!
xx,
Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need! I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my freeMommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!
Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!
You’re literally in the midst of a rain storm, snow storm, tornado, and an earthquake all at once and you just don’t see Him… Like God where you at???
Listen, the past few months have been… CHALLENGING!
I honestly feel like there was a meeting in the heavenly realm, and God offered me up and said “Have you considered my servant, Theresa”. 😭😭😭 I feel like I’ve been going through extreme testing and stretching… Pruning, and positioning. I feel like it’s been one thing after another and I now truly believe… it is all for His glory😭
Well today, I’m pouring out what’s been on my heart. I’m sharing what’s been going on behind the scenes, and how I’ve been learning to trust God and how to remain in a place of victory in the midst of it all as a WHOLE MOM!
So we’re testing out a new-ish format, and today’s blog is in audio format! I consume nearly 75% of my content through audio so I decided to test it out on the blog. Hope you enjoy!
Easy to access! Just click below! Listen while you drive, plug in your EarPods and listen while you do your cleaning, shopping, or just sit and allow the words to shower you with God’s grace. However, and where ever you decide to listen… I know it will bless you!
Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business? Do feel like you don’t have the help or supportyou need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?
If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!
The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!
5 simplesteps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!
Click To learn all about it!
Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself? What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!
There was a season in my life as a mom, when I expected my husband tojust “get it”. I expected him to look at me and our child, access the situation, and find ways to show up and support me. Like we’re both parents, tap into that daddy intuition, and let’s go!
But that’s not what was happening at all.
He would see me, see the situation, but wouldn’t do what I expected him to do. I was completely frustrated. Like why aren’t you HELPING ME! Can’t you see how much is on my plate right now? Can’t you see I need you?
Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is amazing, and he has stepped up in sooo many ways. This man loves being a dad, loves his daughter and would do anything for the both of us. I just knew that what he did didn’t always match up with what I needed in the moment.
So one fine day, while calmly expressing my frustration and how I felt “like he wasn’t supporting me”… do you know what this brother said to me!?!
He said: “I see you with Dream, and I want to come running, but I don’t always know how to help you”.
LAWD!!!! Talk about a wake up call.
So my husband wasn’t ignoring me, or intentionally leaving me to fend for myself. He just wasn’t clear on how exactly I needed to be supported. 🤯 So simple, but I’d missed it, completely!
My disappointment, frustration and resentment had little to do with him and so much to do with me! I don’t like to admit it, but God got me all the way together.
I EXPECTED so much from my husband (in his daddy role) without actually COMMUNICATING specifically what I needed from him! Like idk why I didn’t see it before, but in what world does that even make sense…
Expecting someone to do something and they don’t even know what that *something* is… huh?!
Well, from this one exchange, I was reminded to stop assuming and to always communicate my needs. We both apologized to each other. We both noticed ways where we could have done things better to support each other. We’re both new to this whole parent thing, and we’re both growing and learning… the key is to always do it TOGETHER!
Ever since that moment, I have been working on the best ways to enlist the support I need from my husband. I am still learning and growing, but these following tips have changed the game, for both of us! I hope they help you as well!
5 steps to get the support you need from your husband
1. Check your expectations!
This is where it all started. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and felt alone because I had expectations that I’d never communicated with my husband. Remember, we can’t expect someone to do something when they aren’t even aware of what that something is.
2. Leave your assumption at the door. Men are NOT mind readers!
As well as our husbands know us… they cannot ready out minds! I had to stop assuming that my husband would see me and just know what to do. I had to stop assuming that his “daddy intuition” made him a mind reader. Men can see our frustrations, they can even see that we need help, but that doesn’t mean they’ll just “get it” and know what do for you in that moment. I remember one time, I was literally struggling to get Dream into her bottoms, and my husband just sat there… I was fuming, but I didn’t say anything until our checkin later that morning. Come to find out, he was sitting close by waiting to see what I needed from him. He didn’t want to say anything, but he wanted me to know he was available. LAWD!!! Learned my lesson… now, when he’s around to help… I tell him EXACTLY what I need.
3. Ask for what you want/need and be specific!
Many men want to step up and show off for us, but they won’t be able to do that if they don’t know how. We have to tell them, and be extremely specific. I use “tell” pretty lightly, because it indeed works best when it is a partnership; but, the point still remains… we must communicate and be specific. Just saying, “Babe I don’t feel like you help/support me”… isn’t enough. You need to be clear about where and how you need to be supported. what exactly does that “support” look like to you? What exactly do you expect from your husband? Does he fully understand, and are those requests/expectations realistic?
4. Be okay with questions (LAWDDDD)
I’m still working on this, but I’m learning to be okay with my husband asking questions about what we’ve discussed. Listen, after deciding what he can do to support me and writing it down on the schedule… the last thing I would expect from him is, “what do you need me to do, again”😭😭😭. I’m learning to give my husband grace, in the same way I would want it for myself. We both have busy schedules, and sometimes we forget. Sometimes we need a reminder. We always need grace. It’s okay to ask questions. (PRAY FOR ME)!
5. Check in regularly!
My husband and I have what I call “D-Day” every week. This is baby-free time for us to discuss, decide & date. We discuss what’s working, what’s not working, and how we can support each other. It’s so important for us to check in regularly, because things change. Schedules change, babies and their needs change… WE CHANGE… so we both have to be flexible. For example, hubby and I had a whole schedule where we would rotate bedtime duties with our little lady. Over the past couple weeks, bedtime has changed drastically and I’m leaning in to my daughter’s needs in this season. With that change, I realized I’d been doing a lot more during bedtime, and would need my husband’s support in other areas. So during our weekly checkin, I was able to express how I was feeling, as well as provide a list of specific things my husband could do to support me, especially during the evenings when he used to be on bedtime duty. And he has been on it ever since!
Bonus tip: Make deposits & Empower your man!
Ask yourself are you supporting your husband? Are you giving him that same level of time, attention and care as you desire for yourself? Are you celebrating him, encourage him and let him know how well he’s doing supporting you and the family? Or do you find yourself only highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you? Momma… pour into your husband! Build that man up! Stroke every inch of his ego… (no pun intended haha). Momma, I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husband will only do wonders for the future of how he supports you!
I want to be very clear. I’ve had some huge wins in how my husband supports me. And Although these steps are simple, this process takes work❤️❤️❤️. My husband and I have specifically been working on our in house “mommy support strategy” for well over a year, and we still have work to do. We’ve had to address certain things for months before figuring out what worked best for us. We’ve also had to unlearn somethings, while growing. And guess what? With each step on this journey as parents, there will be new challenges to overcome, more things to discuss..possibly more babies to raise (😭). It takes time, and it is indeed a journey. So please approach with love, an open heart and a whole lot of grace. I promise you it will all be worth it!
xx
Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need! I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my freeMommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!
Let’s go momma… and be sure to share with a momma who needs this!
