Okay, so listen… I don’t often share such fresh lessons. I usually like to let things marinate for a bit. But I just couldn’t move on until I posted this (couldn’t even sleep). Many times when we pray for God to change our loved ones (especially our husbands), and pray with a sincere and open heart before God, He will often reveal what needs to change in us. WHEW… SOBERING!
A word of advice… just let God begin that good work in **you**! Be Encouraged, and if God tells you to “Let it go“, be obedient… and let HIM handle whatever “it” is!
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Have you found yourself trying to “keep up” with everyone and everything in your life as a mom? Whether consciously or subconsciously… you might have even convinced yourself that you’re not doing enough… or need to do/be more to prove your value as a mom, a wife and a woman?
Well I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, as I’ve had to shatter some pretty limiting and toxic thinking over the past few years regarding my motherhood… and I hop today’s “Car Chat” encourages you to do the same!
Today… we’re chatting about our “capacity”! Click below for my thoughts and encouragement!
Does this resonate with you? Be sure to like, comment below and as always share with a momma who needs this!
Hey Check out these other great videos on my YouTube channel!!
Today Hubby and I Celebrate our 7th Wedding Anniversary and what an amazing journey it has been so far! From purchasing our first home together, become first time parents, multiple career transitions, the passing of loved ones, overcoming and working through disagreements, watching God provide abundantly during a pandemic, overcoming illnesses, learning how to raise a toddler… and so so so much love, joy and laughter in the midst of it all… the growth has been unmatched and our marriage is stronger because of it all!
But I have to take a moment to share the real secrets behind our thriving marriage, something that so many people talk about and perhaps seldom actually rely on! Watch my Reflection video, and be sure to check out 7 biblical principles I live by as a wife in my marriage!
And as always…. be sure to share with someone who needs it!
7 Biblical Principles I live by in my Marriage:
1 Always check yourself first before expecting God to check your spouse (Matthew 7:1-3)
2 Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)
3 Only God can change your spouse (Proverbs 21:1)
4. Pray about everything… EVERYTHING (Philippians 4:6)
5 Withholding sex as strategy is not of God (1 Corinthians 7:4)
‼️It’s OKAY to celebrate YOUR husband and the ways he steps up to support YOU as a mom, even for things other people say isn’t a big deal because that’s what he “should be doing”!
Just imagine what a difference it could make if the next time your husband steps up to support YOU as a mom (especially after doing the work to be specific in askingfor the support that you need from him)
you replaced your…
❌“It’s about time you stepped up” attitude/comment
✅ “Babe… I see you stepping up for me and the family”
✅ “Thank you so much for making me/us/this a priority”
Or a simple
✅ “Thank you. I appreciate you”
What we focus on… whether with criticism or encouragement… is often what we SEE repeated!
Am I encouraging my man and letting him know I appreciate the ways he’s supporting me and the family? (Yes, even while you’re working on other areas?)
Or do you find yourself **ONLY** highlighting his mistakes, failures and how he’s disappointing you?
Listen no husband/wife or marriage is perfect… we all make mistakes, fall short, miss the mark… but I find it to be so very important to celebrate the moments when we get it right, as we work on those other areas!
You can do both! Stop letting culture dictate what’s worthy of celebrating in your marriage!
Momma, I know firsthand the power of recognition/celebration/making deposits.. and I promise you… making deposits and empowering your husbandwill only do wonders for the future of how he supports you as a mom!
and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.
So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!
SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!
1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!
Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.
2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.
Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.
3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.
Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.
4. Don’t take it personal.
Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go! If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!
5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!
You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).
6. It’s okay to pay for peace.
If it works for you… then do you, sis! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you, and keep you stuck in overwhelm trying to keep up and do all the things. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary. No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!
7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement.
Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma. And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it! And only come back when you’re ready. And if you feel like what you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.
8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.
Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”. It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!
9. Your marriage and family come first.
and ONLY after our relationship with God! But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles! Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended. Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!
What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!
Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need! I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my freeMommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!
Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!