Confident Mom · encouragement · Married Moms · mommy support · Work Life Balance

How to Ask for the Support You Need as a Mom | It’s the Specificity for Me

Nothing grinds my gears more than seeing this narrative circulating on social media!

If you’re on social media I’m sure you’ve seen this or some variation of this at one point or another. You may have even reposted it. Well This was my response!

Since becoming a mom 3 years ago, I’ve been doing the work, and partnering with my hubby and trusted loved ones to create my village of support.  No more suffering in silence, waiting for others to read my mind! No more trying to do it all by myself. I am committed to using my voice and asking for exactly what I need from those who are in my life!

I’m now a mom of two, and I find myself having to go back and revisit my mommy support strategy.  Each season of motherhood is different, and the support that I need now as a mom of two, is completely different from what I needed in the last season with just a toddler to care for.

So as I’m going through this process again myself, I wanted to go a bit deeper, to really hone in on why I believe most moms struggle with this and what we can do to shift the narrative. It’s time to normalize moms being specific when asking for the support that they need from their husbands and trusted loved one. 

You may be reading this and saying, I get what you’re saying, but where do I even start? Or Maybe you struggle with knowing exactly HOW to ask for the help and support you need. Well you’re in the right place. I’ve got the answer so let’s get right into it!

 

1. Identify the areas in your life where you need help.

Understand needing help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Pray and make your request known to God. Then take a look at your day/week/month, and list out the areas where you need help. Be specific, and write it down. Make a list in your phone while nursing your little one, or take a few moments on your lunch break.  Think about what tasks cause the most stress, or where you don’t feel supported enough. Again, be specific! Don’t just write  “help around the house” or “help with the kids” be clear about what that actually looks like. Does “help around the house” mean  cooking and loading/unloading the dishwasher? Or does that mean deep cleaning the bathroom? Does “help with the kids” mean helping with bed time duties? Or helping with school pickup during the week? Again… identify what you need and be specific.

 

2. Identify what all is needed to get that specific thing done.

This is key, and took a bit of trial and error for me to really understand why this was such an important step in the process. Why? Well because what may be second nature for us as moms, may be completely foreign to someone else. So if we ask for help, and expect the person we’re asking to just understand how to get it done… we may find ourselves resentfully going back to redo/fix what that person did. And that only leads to us not asking for help again… and that’s not a good look! Being specific with our request for help, and what is needed to get that thing done makes a huge difference.

3. Identify the areas in your life where you can hire help.

As you’re identifying  the specifics of the help and support you need, you may find that the people in your life aren’t able to show up in this season. This is when you must give yourself permission to hire the help that you need. This could look like hiring a house keeper, paying for a meal service, laundry service, childcare or even therapy (like for real)! I know that in some communities, it’s frowned upon to hire/pay for help, but you have to make the decisions that will best serve you and your family. This was something my husband and I recently discovered. We sat down, and I presented to my husband some of the things that I needed help with around the house, and how beneficial it would be for me and for our family if we outsourced and hired someone to do it. Such a game changer! Listen! The time we get back in exchange for outsourcing some of these mundane tasks, is totally worth it. 

So what did you discover? Did you write out your list? Did you identify the specifics? Now it’s time to put it to use! Click here and Download my Mommy Support Cheat Sheet so that you can start to experience what it feels like to finally get the help and support you need from your husband and trusted loved ones!

 

xx,

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Check out these other great posts!

 

 

Confident Mom · encouragement · Mommy Life · mommy support · Self Care

3 things I’m Learning to STOP Saying to Myself | Audio

Does this resonate with you? Be sure to like, comment below, or shoot me a DM over on IG @theresa_ _dennis  and as always SHARE with a momma who needs this!

 

Other posts mentioned in this audio: click below!

 

xx

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

9 Ways to Protect Your Peace | #6 is the One

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If it works for you… then do you, sis! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you, and keep you stuck in overwhelm trying to keep up and do all the things. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

Mommy Life · Self Care

Video | Mom Life and Managing Transitions | A Word from my Walk

You ever had one of those… “If it’s not one things it’s another” type of days? Yea?  Same! As I think back over 2021, I honestly feel like this has been my year of learning how to manage transitions. I felt like some thing was always changing, and I found myself in the midst of what felt like constant CHANGE! Whew!

Interestingly enough, and I know it’s not by chance… as I shared in my “Jesus Therapy and Self Care” audio post, this year has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life… yet at the same time one of the greatest! I can’t explain it, but God has truly been working on my heart, revealing and removing what doesn’t align with who He’s called me to be, opening my eyes and heart to ask for and receive the support that has changed my life…and the peace!  Whew!  The peace and joy in which I’ve taken refuge in midst of it all… nobody but God!

Well the other day, after having one of “those days”, I found myself in desperate need of some me time. You all already know, I don’t play about my self care and when I need it I always do my best to make it happen! I woke up early, asked my husband to take care of our daughter’s morning routine, bundled up as best I knew how…. and I flew down the road to my favorite trail. It was below freezing (30 degrees to be exact),  but I knew I NEEDED to get out and to this trail specifically.  I didn’t stay out too long, I walked for about a mile, and God met me! What a time we had, and as I prayed and reflected, He dropped this in my spirit and I just knew I had to turn on my camera and share it with you.

If you feel like you’re in the midst of change, or find things in constant transition… this if for you!

 

xx

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!