Nothing grinds my gears more than seeing this narrative circulating on social media!
If you’re on social media I’m sure you’ve seen this or some variation of this at one point or another. You may have even reposted it. Well This was my response!
Since becoming a mom 3 years ago, I’ve been doing the work, and partnering with my hubby and trusted loved ones to create my village of support. No more suffering in silence, waiting for others to read my mind! No more trying to do it all by myself. I am committed to using my voice and asking for exactly what I need from those who are in my life!
I’m now a mom of two, and I find myself having to go back and revisit my mommy support strategy. Each season of motherhood is different, and the support that I need now as a mom of two, is completely different from what I needed in the last season with just a toddler to care for.
So as I’m going through this process again myself, I wanted to go a bit deeper, to really hone in on why I believe most moms struggle with this and what we can do to shift the narrative. It’s time to normalize moms being specific when asking for the support that they need from their husbands and trusted loved one.
You may be reading this and saying, I get what you’re saying, but where do I even start? Or Maybe you struggle with knowing exactly HOW to ask for the help and support you need. Well you’re in the right place. I’ve got the answer so let’s get right into it!
1. Identify the areas in your life where you need help.
Understand needing help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Pray and make your request known to God. Then take a look at your day/week/month, and list out the areas where you need help. Be specific, and write it down. Make a list in your phone while nursing your little one, or take a few moments on your lunch break. Think about what tasks cause the most stress, or where you don’t feel supported enough. Again, be specific! Don’t just write “help around the house” or “help with the kids” be clear about what that actually looks like. Does “help around the house” mean cooking and loading/unloading the dishwasher? Or does that mean deep cleaning the bathroom? Does “help with the kids” mean helping with bed time duties? Or helping with school pickup during the week? Again… identify what you need and be specific.
2. Identify what all is needed to get that specific thing done.
This is key, and took a bit of trial and error for me to really understand why this was such an important step in the process. Why? Well because what may be second nature for us as moms, may be completely foreign to someone else. So if we ask for help, and expect the person we’re asking to just understand how to get it done… we may find ourselves resentfully going back to redo/fix what that person did. And that only leads to us not asking for help again… and that’s not a good look! Being specific with our request for help, and what is needed to get that thing done makes a huge difference.
3. Identify the areas in your life where you can hire help.
As you’re identifying the specifics of the help and support you need, you may find that the people in your life aren’t able to show up in this season. This is when you must give yourself permission to hire the help that you need. This could look like hiring a house keeper, paying for a meal service, laundry service, childcare or even therapy (like for real)! I know that in some communities, it’s frowned upon to hire/pay for help, but you have to make the decisions that will best serve you and your family. This was something my husband and I recently discovered. We sat down, and I presented to my husband some of the things that I needed help with around the house, and how beneficial it would be for me and for our family if we outsourced and hired someone to do it. Such a game changer! Listen! The time we get back in exchange for outsourcing some of these mundane tasks, is totally worth it.
So what did you discover? Did you write out your list? Did you identify the specifics? Now it’s time to put it to use! Click here and Download my Mommy Support Cheat Sheet so that you can start to experience what it feels like to finally get the help and support you need from your husband and trusted loved ones!
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