encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

Protect Your Peace | 9 Things I’m learning as a Married Mom

Peace is everything…

and with all that is going on in my life… especially as a toddler mom… protecting my peace of mind is absolutely critical! It’s a form of self care for me, both spiritually and mentally! After spending nearly a year in therapy and intentionally seeking God to show me “me”… when I’m not at peace, my home, family and marriage always take a hit. And that is NOT the type of life I’m creating for myself.

So I had to make some serious changes, specifically with what I allow to take up space in my life. Because at the end of the day, I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but I surely can control what accept, embrace and how I respond!

SO I wanted to share a running list that I’ve created, of ways I’ve been learning to protect my peace. I’m nowhere near perfect, but as I remind myself of these 9 things, I’m always in a better space and am confidently able to protect one of my most valuable assets… my wellbeing!

 

1. Everything doesn’t have to be a struggle!

Especially with our toddlers. Pause, observe, and process… and most times you’ll realize there is a much more peaceful way to handle the situation. With our spouses, always communicate, and avoid fanning the fire. Remember your child and your spouse are not the enemy. There is always a way to a resolution, and it doesn’t always have to be a struggle.

 

2. It’s okay to cancel plans, that don’t work for you or your family.

Even if it’s the day of… and even if they are with people that you love. Most times the people that you love will understand, especially if they are parents. And if they don’t… they probably don’t belong in your circle anyway. Trust your mommy intuition (which I truly believe is from God), and cancel when you know it’s best.

 

3. Ask questions when you don’t understand.

Assuming causes too much stress, especially in relational conflicts… and ESPECIALLY since we mostly create negative narratives about what we don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask, and get clarity. Circle back if you need to, get help to further understand, and agree to disagree if that’s best.

 

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of what people do, has less to do with you and everything to do with where they are in life. Find a safe space to process and let it go!  If a mistake was made and it is personal, recognize that nobody is perfect. Talk it out, apologize/forgive and release. Easier said than done, I know, but the peace that will overcome you when you do this… WHEW… unmatched!

5. Partner with your spouse to make the decisions that are best for you, your marriage and your family!

You live with the outcomes of your decisions, so make sure you support them. Outside of the Good Lord, Who is the head of it all, realize that you don’t always need a 3rd party. Most often the best thing to do is find a moment to sit with your spouse, talk it out and decide without apology or concern for what others will say/think. (This has been a game changer for us, and just sitting to talk about our life and family.. has increased out intimacy).

 

6. It’s okay to pay for peace.

If if works for you… then do you , boo! Listen! Order that UberEats, hire that babysitter, pay for delivery or pickup, go to therapy, take that vacation, send your toddler to school (yes, even if you’re a SAHM… no shame in our game), hire that housekeeper/chef…etc. Whatever that thing is that will lead to that sigh of relief, and the peace of mind…DO IT! Stop letting other people’s pockets dictate your life. Stop letting other people and their narratives around motherhood limit you. Stop trying to prove that you can do it all, when you know you’d rather NOT! Let’s normalize hiring the help we need/paying for peace when necessary.  No guilt! No shame! Just us moms protecting our peace!

 

7. It’s okay to log off whenever you need to, without announcement. 

Feeling the need to be constantly connected can be exhausting, especially as a wife and momma.  And it can be even more exhausting feeding into the pressure of having to let other know all that’s going on. Whether you have 100 followers or 100,000… or you use social media for personal and/or business purposes… please understand you still own your space and how you show up. If you need a break… take it!  And only come back when you’re ready.  And if you feel like what  you’re consuming is causing stress, and disturbing your peace… then give yourself permission to set time limits, mute and unfollow. Curate your feed to bring you peace and joy.

 

8. Everything doesn’t need to be documented or shared.

Along the lines of that 7th point… everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Share what you want, but let go of the pressure to have to show up, document and share everything… simply because everyone else is doing it. Some of the best moments typically happen when we are in the moment, and aren’t caught up trying to “do it for the gram”.  It’s okay to actually live life, without having to prove that you’re living life!

 

9. Your marriage and family come first.

and ONLY after our relationship with God!  But keeping those as your top priorities will help frame how you create and live your life. Rarely do you hear of anyone being at peace, while their home, family, and marriage are in shambles!  Keep your priorities in check. Put your energy into what matters most. The job and business can be replaced or rebuilt… your marriage and relationship with your children aren’t always so easily mended.  Keep first things first, and create a life that lines up with your priorities!

 

What do you do to protect your peace? How are you caring for yourself mentally, and emotionally this week! Let me know, and as always be sure to share on your social media, so that your mommy friends can get this week’s motivation!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

 

 

encouragement · Mommy Life · Self Care

How To Make Time for Yourself As a Busy Mom

Between laundry, dishes, meal prepping, diaper changes, potty training, school pickups/drop offs, distance learning, home schooling, sports, creating content, showing up for in person work, working from home, loving on your kids, pouring into your marriage, spending time with Jesus, caring for sick loved ones, showing up for your friends and family, all while dodging all these pandemic germs…

It can be EXTREMELY difficult to find the time for yourself.

Like, you just need a serious break!

Believe me I get it! As some one who has mastered the art of Self Care, having created a lifestyle of getting time for myself not just One Sunday a Month, but finding the time every single week… I recently found myself unable to get away as usual. The past few weeks have been wildly unpredicatable!

So today, I want to share a bit of my Self Care Strategy that has helped me, and the moms I work with, to ensure that we are able to get a break…even when we’re short on time, or when things don’t go as planned! Because let’s face it… we’re no good to anyone else if we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So we have to learn to make the time! Let’s go!

 

Get clear about what self care actually is to you, and indentify who is there to support you!

You first have to understand what Self Care is and the begin to figure out what all you enjoy.  I share this before Self care is personal and is what ever you deem necessary to care for yourself… and fill your cup spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. Knowing what you enjoy, and what fills your cup is the first place to begin. Once you get an idea of what all you enjoy and/or need… ask for the support from your spouse or a trusted loved one. Whether it’s your spouse offering to step in, or someone from your church family who you’ve grown to love… There are people who have offered to help and are just waiting for you to accept… take them up on it… whether an hour or a 4… accept the help. It may be a bit awkward at first to let go and accept the help, but I promise you the benefit of actually getting a break to recharge, will far outweigh those feelings!

Know your schedules!

When was the last time you sat and looked over your schedules? (Yes, “schedules”, because we already know that our schedule is not the only one that we have to manage or consider when it comes to getting time for ourselves).  But seriously, when was the last time you looked at it? Not just at all the things you have going on , but the actual times when you can get a break? Days off from work? Nap times? Lunch hours? Morning or evening time? Now I can already hear most of you saying, “girl, I already know my schedule and there just isn’t any time for me”. Then I would challenge you to look at what is filling your time, to the point that you can’t even pour into yourself. Ask yourself, “what am I doing that I can either stop, or put on hold in order to get time for myself”? When we say yes to everything else, we are in essence saying no to ourselves. Saying you can’t pour from an empty cup is one thing, doing the work and adjusting your boundaries to ensure that you live this out, is where the magic happens.

Schedule yourself… write your time on your calendar!

we are so good at adding everything and everyone else to the schedule, but ourselves. From the kids’ checkups, doctor’s appointments, sports practice, holidays, trips… we are religious about making sure it’s all written in.  But when was the last time you added yourself to your schedule? Yes, actually scheduled and wrote in “Mommy Time” or any other indicator that you were going to step away to enjoy time for yourself?

This was a major self care flex for me, and it all started when I pre-planned and scheduled my first “Selfish Sunday”, which wasn’t even a full day at the time. The first time I scheduled myself, it was only 3 hours, but it was everything I didn’t even know I needed! Furthermore actually scheduling myself (ie writing on the calendar), ensured a few things for me:

    1. It was a reminder to myself that I needed to care for myself and something to look forward to.
    2. It was a reminder to my family (my hubby) that I was going to be away, so he didn’t make other plans.
    3. writing it down helped me to actually honor my commitment to myself (accountability)!

And from there, I’ve not only enjoyed a selfish Sunday for over the past year and a half, but I’ve also learned to add in all those moments for myself in between! Do yourself a favor and add your time to your schedule. I don’t care if it’s just an hour… get into the habit of seeing “Mommy time” on your calendar, and honoring that commitment to yourself!

Embrace the “mini moments” when things don’t go as planned!

Let’s face it, sometimes with the best of intentions, things do’t go as planned and I know firsthand just how difficult it can be to adjust when the unexpected things interfere with your time for self care.

STORY TIME!!!

I recently had a trip planned to spend a few days in Florida with one of my best girlfriends, and I followed my strategy to the letter! I checked the schedules. I communicated and got the support that I needed. Hubby took time off from work, and I made sure to  write “mommy getaway” on my schedule every month leading up to my trip (to remind hubby that I was going to be away)! I kept myself safe, and found myself out here doing backflips in these streets and supermarkets to avoid getting COVID. Listen, I had everything prepared so that my family would survive while I was away… Like I wasn’t playing! Everything that I could control and handle… I did just that.

Well Fast forward to the day before the trip. I put my little lady to bed, and opened my phone to check the weather in Florida one last time to make sure I didn’t pack anything too heavy. And to my surprise I opened the weather app to a “Winter Storm Advisory”. I didn’t pay this alert any mind, I said “surely the Lord will hold this snow so that I can get to  Florida safely. I did too much to get here, ain’t nothing stopping me from getting on my flight!

And I went to sleep, so blissfully unaware of what was about to take place!

Why, oh WHY did we get hit with over 12” of snow, that not only caused me to cancel my trip… but this storm knocked out our power for 4 days, and took our heat and cell service for good measure! Talk About hurt! The Same 4 days that I planned to get my time, turned into me at home with my family in survival mode because  the main road where we live was completely back up. The roads were so bad that some drivers were stranded for almost 24 hours! LAWD, it coulda be me! Oh and did I mention our home is electric! And all of this was happening… at home… with a TODDLER! WHEW.

(I’m going somewhere, I promise)

Once the roads were safe, we made our way to a hotel nearly an hour from our home.  As soon as we all were showered, fed, and settled I looked at my husband and  said “I need a minute” and he understood exactly what I meant. I needed a break!!

So I grabbed my stuff, grabbed my EarPods, and found a little nook in the lounge of the hotel where I could sit unbothered in peace. I sat there for a little over an hour.  And although this wasn’t the 4 days of fun-filled “me time” I had planned to enjoy that week… I embraced it nonetheless… because it was exactly what I needed in the moment! I literally chose to use the time I had to take a break, instead sitting and  lamenting what was no longer available to me!

That’s the power of the “mini moments”; the moments that are often unplanned, but when you need it you know it and it’s in your best interest to take full advantage. GET YOUR TIME SIS! These mini moments are those times when you do whatever you can to slip away just to process, check-in with ourselves, and regroup in the moment. This can look different depending on the moment, situation and the person… but it’s all a form of self care.

Sitting in the car for a few extra moments, going for a walk to clear your head, listening to a playlist the will help shift your mood, taking a shower, watching your fave show, waking up to get some time in the morning before the house wakes up, maximizing nap times & lunch breaks…SITTING IN A HOTEL LOUNGE IN PEACE!

It all counts!

So ask yourself…”When things don’t go as planned, how can I still get a moment for myself”?

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Get to work momma! And as always be sure to subscribe and SHARE with a momma who needs this!!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Life · Self Care

I was on my Fourth Load of Laundry When it Hit Me…

I was on my fourth load of laundry when it hit me…

I hadn’t had a real break from my child, or moment to myself since that huge winter storm hit our area a few weeks ago. And more importantly, hubby was home and we didn’t have anywhere to be!

Chiiiiii!  I said, “Theresa, surely you know better!!! This is your moment… this is your time… You’re not throwing away your shot”!

So, I got myself all the way together to seize the moment. I dropped that basket of laundry right on the steps (not even realizing I’d done that until I saw that  it was in the background of this photo lol), showered, threw on my new fave plaid “Shacket”, took a few pics, and ran out the door for a much needed BREAK from it all!

It was a fabulous 2 hours of “me time” that gave EVERYTHING is was supposed to gave… and then some!!

And I’m soooo glad I allowed myself to put that laundry down to take a break, because less than 24 hours later… I found out that our amazing babysitter was exposed to COVID and wouldn’t be available to come watch Dream for a week(😭😭😭), ANDDDDD hubby was under the weather. So I was up in this house… doing this toddler thing by myself for a few days! Whew!

I’m sharing this real life moment to remind you…

most times, that “task” CAN WAIT!

Whether it be at home, with your family, at work, in your business…etc.

Now I’m not saying “oh just leave your home in shambles and let your family fend for themselves”, although at times even that is necessary for your mental well being. (real talk)

What I am saying is that doing everything else first, and only taking a breather for yourself AFTER it’s all done will leave you overwhelmed, depleted and feeling a great deal of burn out.  I mean let’s be real… as a mom there will always be something else to do. ALWAYS. We’re never completely finished doing all the things.

More importantly… taking time for yourself (i.e. self care) is vital to your endurance, and well being  as a mom. So put that thing on hold and take a moment for yourself. Whether 30 mins or 2 hours,

Talk to God

Listen to that playlist

Take that shower

Go for that walk

Run that errand

Schedule that session

Grab that coffee

Sit in that Car in Silence

Beat that face

Take that nap

Do what you need to do, and take that break!

I know it would be amazing to have this perfect life where all of our ducks are in a row, our kids are always happy, our home is always in order, and we get to go on weekly self-care mommy trips, to luxuriate on a tropical Island while our husbands or trusted loved ones take care of the kids while we’re away, but that’s not real life for the majority of us.

So when you know you need a break, take full advantage of the moments in front of you to fill your cup; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally.

Sometimes you just have to look at that task in front of you and say, “this can wait, I need a moment”

And when you do… take it, and run! lol

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

I did All of this not even realizing my truth was photo-bombing me the whole time! I thought to crop the laundry basket out of the photos and video, but then I realized this is real life for so many of us as moms! So here we are, me all done up and ready to run a few errands to get a break, and a whole load of DIRTY laundry just sitting there cheering me on… like “Go girl, I ain’t going nowhere! I’ll be right here when you get back”!

Welcome to my world! Ha!!

 

Momma, You’re not crazy… YOU NEED A BREAK!!!

 

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Feeling like you’re going to LOSE IT, because  you’re struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click here to learn all about it!

 

 

Mommy Life

3 Completely Normal Things Toddlers Do… That Will Test You!

Have you ever just looked at your toddler and thought to yourself “am I the only one going through this”? Yea, me too! Whether a challenging time, a funny moment… or a “this can’t be my life right now” type of situation, I think we can all agree, we’ve been there! Here are my top 3 moments that capture this sentiment oh so accurately!

1. When your toddler says “I can do it”

The toddlers’ anthem! Whew! Now let me just say, I am totally in support of letting my little one learn to do for herself and assert her independence. I encourage it, and she is actually really amazing at it! Using her words, putting on socks, climbing into the car, buckling her own seat belt, putting on her own clothes… like YAASSS sis, you got this!  However, there are others times when it’s just not working out, and sis needs a little help. From wiping, bathing, brushing teeth… she’s learning and getting better, but we’re not quite at the place where she can do it thoroughly by herself.  All in all, it’s a lot.  Especially when your toddler just won’t let up and you, as the parent, choose to sit patiently for what seems like an eternity to avoid “the storm” of emotions that will ensue if you take over… only to have them finally ask for help… Whew! Pray for your girl!

2. When your toddler exclaims “No, Not yet”!

I promise you saying “no”, is a game for toddlers! I know that many times, especially as they get older and become more aware, they are really just telling us how they feel. And I totally get that. But in other instances, it’s just for sport. Either way, it takes a whole lot of intentionality and patience not to lose it when it happens, especially when it’s time to make moves… like refusing to get into the carseat when its nearly freezing outside, turning into a stick figure when it’s time to get into the shopping cart, or refusing any form of bathing/cleaning! Like sis, this is not the time to assert yourself. Lawd!

Oh and what’s really wild is that my little one understands the concept of “Not yet”, and actually has the nerve to say it. Her two most used phrases… “No bath yet, mommy” and “No! No potty today, mommy”. Fix it Jesus! Like who are these little people? It’s just all so much, especially since most of us are really doing the work to ensure that we support our child’s growth while also holding healthy boundaries. All I can say is… PRAY.

3. When you realize that your toddler acts differently (cooperates/act “better”) with others!

I’ll never forget the first time our little lady was in the care of our “Dream Team” for a weekend.  Hubby and I were so nervous, because when our little lady is with us, she is very expressive and is so determined to live her best little life! In other words… sis tries it, daily!  So you can imagine just how pleasantly surprised we were to hear how “well” she did the entire weekend. No tears when leaving the playground, no carseat battles, no tantrums, falling asleep on her own… etc. Listen, we even witnessed her Oscar worthy “performance” on the Ring Camera.  Little miss walking and holding hands with her aunties. No pulling away, running or screaming. Just the epitome of peace, beyond understanding! lol. Like… what? Who’s child is this? Surely she has become brand new!

And this is her norm!!

Whenever she is in the care of our trusted loved ones, she doesn’t cry or fuss. She listens, uses the potty, takes her nap, eats her food…etc. Like huh?  This was extremely frustrating at first, because I’m like… is it me, is there something wrong with me as a mom? Then I learned… THIS IS NORMAL! Kids show their truest selves… with all of their love, tantrums & big emotions… in the presence of their primary caregivers (ie me and my hubby). They feel the safest and know that we aren’t going anywhere despite how the act.  Still learning and growing, but knowing this is normal has definitely made a huge difference. And my people love watching my little one, so it works out… lol!

 

There are countless examples of toddler-isms that will test your gangsta, but somehow knowing:

  1. This is Normal
  2. I’m not the only parent experiencing this
  3. God has called me and has equipped me for this thing called “mom life”

makes such a major difference in how we manage these moments with our littles. God is giving all of us strength daily, and In the words of Kendrick Lemar… Momma, “we gonna be alright”!

You’re doing a great job, momma!

XX,

 

 

 

 

 

Momma, You’re not crazy… YOU NEED A BREAK!!!

 

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Feeling like you’re going to LOSE IT, because  you’re struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click here to learn all about it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“I’m Proud of Myself” | MY Holiday/2021 Reflection

“I’m Proud of You”

I’m no stranger to these 4 words. I am surrounded by amazing people who love, support and genuinely want me to win in life. I’m blessed. And as a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized just how much I’ve relied on this sentiment, applause and praise from others to guide me… without really taking the time to acknowledge this for myself. Like I rarely took the time to say “I’m proud of you girl” to myself.

So much can change in a year…

And it took cancelled holiday plans, an unusual birthday, and surviving an unexpected and oh so in-the-way winter Storm to help me realize just how far I’ve come… and I’m soooo incredibly proud of myself!

Grab your tea, click below and take a listen as I share 12 reasons why I am so incredibly proud of myself, and what I am doing to help guide my life in 2022! I know it will encourage you!

 

Posts Mentioned in audio:

“Jesus, Therapy & Self Care”

“A Lesson on Managing Transitions”

 

Great, you’re still here… can I show you something super special to me!

I didn’t get to mention this in the audio, but I’m so proud of my decorating efforts from this season! I gave myself permission to take it one season at a time, one room at a time… one area in that room at a time… This year was all about the living room couch lol. Here are a few photos!  I’m so proud of myself!

 

 

YASSS!!! OKAY… you’re still scrolling! 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!