Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care

5 Specific Ways My Husband Supports Me | #MommySupport

I want to be very clear, that none of what I am about to share… just happened. This a testament to my commitment to doing the work necessary to communicate and partner with my husband in order to  receive the support that I need from him.  I am a firm believer that, in most instances, you have not because you ask not. And when you ask, you ask amiss because you let the narratives of others and even your ego get in the way (that was totally me, but I’m breaking free and learning).  My Mommy Support Strategy works every single time… and the life I’m living is proof. As you read, don’t look at this as a means to compare, but rather be inspired that it is truly possible for you to receive the love and support that you need.

 

1. Self care day/moments

I talk about this most often. But when it comes to getting my time… I get my time and my husband is the major reason why. He and I both understand he is not just some babysitter, but a loving caring and present father. And as ready as he was to step in and give me a break, he really din’t know exactly how to approach me, because I was literally making it seem like I could do it all. It wasn’t until my bathroom breakdown that I finally opened up and said to him “Babe I need a serious break… away from our little lady”. (you can click here to read the full story).

It’s important to note that I didn’t come at him with anger, or regret… but with vulnerability and a desire for empathy.  How we communicate is most times more important that what we communicate.  I left all the attacking and “shoulda coulda woulda” at the door, because that would not have helped my situation. I was overwhelmed, and needed my husband’s support. So  I simply kept the focus on me, my needs and making my request. And that was the birth of my “Selfish Sunday”… which has been affectionately renamed… “Daddy & Dream Day”. Every month looks different, but every month hubby ensures that I get my time.

 

2. School Drop offs/pickup

I’ve graduated into a new level of the “mommy leagues”, which means more things to do. School “Drop offs” and “pick ups” are a part of our everyday lives now, and before my little one started her first day, I came up with a plan so that I wouldn’t have to carry the weight of it all.  I set aside some time to chat baby-free, so that hubby & I  could discuss this new season of our lives as parents and come up with a plan that would work best. I started by sharing just how much his love and support mean to me, and presented my thoughts on how it could work for us. I was also super clear about what all this would mean for me mentally, as well as for him and our little one (who has been in desperate need of playtime with other little people lol).  Now we have a set schedule, and it’s been so good for all of us. Dream gets extra time with her daddy, while I’m able to get extra time just for myself.

You’d be surprised just how freeing it is to share those everyday responsibilities.

 

3. Morning/bed time routines

It took some time for me to even figure out how to get to an actual morning/bedtime routine for our little lady. And once I did, I was quick to let my hubby know how we could share this task. Everything was cool at first, until my husband had to tell me about myself. He basically told me he felt like he couldn’t really step up and help the way he wanted to, because he felt like I was always there hovering, directing and redirecting. And he was totally right. Instead of taking advantage of these precious moments to myself, I found myself all up in his space, trying to make sure he did everything the way I wanted it done.

And if I’m being honest… all the hovering and even nagging was exhausting!

So I swallowed my pride, let go of my ego, and let the brother do his thing.

And let me tell you the real tea!!!  Once I got out of the way (literally) and let him help in his own way… his eyes were opened and he got a better understanding of all the things I had on my plate.  Yes, empathy. He got a personal dose of my “mommy load” and it has changed the game! For a lot of dads, seeing is believing. They have to experience some things in order to fully understand why their love and support is so important.

Married mommas,  allow your husband to help you!  And when he rises to the occasion… step aside and let him help in his own way.

 

4. He Provides

This man is going to do everything in his power to make sure we are good. He takes pride in how he provides for me and our family, and I so appreciate all that he does for us. God is good! I also had to learn that I can appreciate how my man provides for me and still welcome  his support in other areas, especially as a SAHM.  I had to learn that it is not an “either/or” conversation.  I had to learn that I can celebrate those qualities and the ways my husband supports me outside of our home, while also expressing the areas where I’d love that support to be more tangible in our home.

It’s not always an easy conversation, but I know first hand the power of prayer, especially for the words to say when having difficult conversations. I also know the power of making deposits and celebrating the ways in which my husband shows up for me, while also being clear about the other things I need in this season.

Don’t be afraid to have those difficult conversations. The support, and breakthrough that you desire are often found on the other side.

 

5. He’s committed to our “D-Day”

Once a week hubby and I sit down for a very open heart to heart discussion about all the things that concern us… our marriage, our child, our goals as a couple and individually. This practice has been so effective and the topic such  a “fan-fave” I created a free cheat sheet to help you create your own. Grab it here!

At first it was a bit awkward, but over time we got into a rhythm and there is no turning back! We’ve now gotten to the place where we can discuss anything… ANYTHING… especially when we have a quiet baby-free moment.

So what exactly do we do on “D-Day“? Let me tell you…

WE DISCUSS 3 specific things:
– What’s working ( in our marriage, family, finances, individually)
– What’s not working (areas to improve)
– How we can support each other, as we grow

WE DECIDE on what’s best for our family together:
– How we will focus our attention for the coming week
– One specific way to show up/support each other

WE DATE and enjoy time to reconnect as a married couple
– We make the time to step away from the busyness of work, life and parenting for a few hours & reconnect with each other! Whether out for a lunch date, to the park, movies, or in house for some “TLC” lol, it’s always just what we need and then some!

 

I’ve learned that having a husband isn’t just a badge of honor… it means I have a partner in life! He is an amazing father, and I’m learning how I can do my part to ensure I’m not shutting him out or down when he’s looking to rise to the occasion, because one thing about my husband he is always ready to step in and support!

I’m learning, asking and receiving!

xx,

 

 

 

 

 

Listen, most of us as moms already know just how important self care is, yet many don’t feel supported enough to actually get the time they know they deserve and need!  I don’t play about getting my husband on board to support me, and I don’t want you to be left in the dark. So go ahead and grab my free Mommy Support Cheat Sheet, where I share a quick overview of my proven method to help you set the stage (and create your own “D-Day”) and finally get the mommy support your crave from your husband! Yes, this is LITERALLY what I do!

Let’s go momma… and be sure to share with a momma who needs this!

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“I’m Proud of Myself” | MY Holiday/2021 Reflection

“I’m Proud of You”

I’m no stranger to these 4 words. I am surrounded by amazing people who love, support and genuinely want me to win in life. I’m blessed. And as a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized just how much I’ve relied on this sentiment, applause and praise from others to guide me… without really taking the time to acknowledge this for myself. Like I rarely took the time to say “I’m proud of you girl” to myself.

So much can change in a year…

And it took cancelled holiday plans, an unusual birthday, and surviving an unexpected and oh so in-the-way winter Storm to help me realize just how far I’ve come… and I’m soooo incredibly proud of myself!

Grab your tea, click below and take a listen as I share 12 reasons why I am so incredibly proud of myself, and what I am doing to help guide my life in 2022! I know it will encourage you!

 

Posts Mentioned in audio:

“Jesus, Therapy & Self Care”

“A Lesson on Managing Transitions”

 

Great, you’re still here… can I show you something super special to me!

I didn’t get to mention this in the audio, but I’m so proud of my decorating efforts from this season! I gave myself permission to take it one season at a time, one room at a time… one area in that room at a time… This year was all about the living room couch lol. Here are a few photos!  I’m so proud of myself!

 

 

YASSS!!! OKAY… you’re still scrolling! 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

5 Mommy Myths to Ditch Today

1 “Self Care is Selfish”

I’m not sure how this became a thing for moms, but it is the furthest thing from the truth.  Self Care is not only vital for our wellbeing as moms… it’s biblical! From the author of Proverbs 31:17 detailing the ways a woman equips herself with spiritual, mental and physical strength for her“God give task”, to Jesus inviting  us in Matthew 11:28 “…to come to Him and He will give us rest”… we are encouraged to care for ourselves.

Self Care is essential, and is exactly what we need in order to show up in the areas that matter most as moms; in our families, our homes, in our careers/businesses, our churches, our marriages and in life! We must take the time to pour into ourselves spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally. According to the Oxford Dictionary “Self” + “Care”  is literally  “the provision of what is necessary for your wellbeing, health, welfare, maintenance and protection”.  From spending time with Jesus, therapy, rest, setting boundaries… it is all essential… and there ain’t nothing selfish about it. 

 

2. “Asking for help means I’m not doing a good job as a mom”

Been there, felt that! And with over 73% of millennial moms having reported feeling like they were failing their families… I know I’m not alone. I recently shared a similar sentiment with my therapist, and she responded with the following:

“asking for help and getting the support you need isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom and strength.  You have lifelines all around you… and you will only benefit from using them”.

Listen, asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Asking for and receiving the support you need… whether in therapy, from trusted loved ones, hiring help for childcare or food services… it’s all sign of strength, resourcefulness and grace. Furthermore, studies* have proven countless times that receiving help from others (a form of self care) not only Improves your ability to cope with stressful situations, but it also helps to alleviating the effects of emotional distress as well as enhances self esteem (confidence). Momma, you were not meant to be and/or do this mom-thing alone.  So start asking for and accepting the support you need… it will literally change your life!

 

3. “Stress, overwhelm, & burnout are the trifecta of mom life… we just have to deal with it”

have no idea who is spreading this venomous lie, but I came to set the record straight… YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIT IN “The struggle”. Will you feel stressed, and experience overwhelm as a mom… yup! In a recent study on the State of Motherhood over 93% of millennial moms reported occasionally experiencing burnout. So, yes… it’s a real thing! But you don’t have to “just deal with it”. That is the furthest thing from the truth.

You can… and have every right to…  get the help you need so that you are able to make the changes that best serve you and your family.  You can choose to do things differently, and in a way that allows you to experience grace and flow in your family, home and purpose!

Yes, harmony is a real thing and it can totally be your experience if you’re willing to do the work. This may mean going to therapy, or hiring a guide to help you create a guilt-free plan of action for self care, or maybe you just have to stop saying “yes” to EVERY request that comes your way (overcommitting is a thing and it will run you into the ground if you don’t check it).

All this to say… you always have a choice, and you can indeed live life as a mom that excites and serves you without always feeling stuck and overwhelmed. You don’t have to just deal with it.

 

4. “As long as the kids are happy… that’s all that matters”

I know this may not sit well with everyone, but your kids’ happiness (which is fleeting) is not all that matters. Raising kids who are emotionally fit, and capable of understanding and processing their emotions, matters. Teaching kids how to set and honor boundaries, even the ones you’ve set, matters. Helping your children understand that they will not always get their way, or always be happy, matters. Letting them know they can talk with you, even when they are mad/upset with a decision you’ve made, matters. Holding space for your children so that they know they are loved, seen and heard… whew… it matters!

And In the midst of all that we do for our children, our families, in our marriages and our home,  do you know who is at the center of it all? You. Don’t you ever overlook just how vital and valuable you are.

You matter!

Taking care of yourself, matters!

Prioritizing your wellbeing, matters!

Honoring your marriage, matters!

Making time to pursues your dreams, goals, and the lifestyle that serves you and your family… yup it all matters!

So no, your kids’ happiness isn’t all that matter. Let’s shift the narrative to what all matters!

 

5. “Kiss the intimacy in your marriage good-bye now that you have kids… that’s just how it is”

The truth is, your marriage most likely will change after having children… especially if you’ve had children since the pandemic. But a major lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is that we don’t have to settle for “that’s just how it is”.  Especially when we want things to be better. Marriage in and of itself is work, and when you add in little people… it can be a whole lot. But the truth is… It will work, if you work it. Communication is so critical, as is intentionally making the time to spend time together and date each other! 

What I know is that intimacy and support go hand in hand. But getting the support that we crave for as moms doesn’t just drop out of thin air (for most of us). As much as I would love for men to “just get it” and know how to support us as moms, they don’t. They’re not mind readers. So, we have to use our voices to let them know exactly what that support looks like. Most men are ready to rise to the occasion, but they don’t know how. Or they may assume that because you haven’t said anything,  what they are doing is enough. We have to communicate.

Listen, ever since my husband and I decided to have our weekly “D-Day”... where we discuss what’s working/how to support each other, make decisions that will best serve our family, and date… our marriage has gotten even stronger.  We both feel seen, have a specific time of the week to be heard and express it all, and my husband is learning how to support me as a mom because I’ve been clear about what I need (and vice versa). And let me tell you… when you feel seen, heard and supported… the loving and intimacy is 🔥🔥🔥… yes even with children.

It’s not perfect, nor is it easy… but it is always worth it. You can always choose to do the work to change and make things better.

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

encouragement · Married Life · Mommy Life

Mommy Confidence | 3 Tips to help You Show Up More Confidently as a Mom

1. Prioritize your self care.

Actually make the time to pour in to yourself.  You “make the time” by taking a real look at your current schedules (plural because you have multiple schedules when you consider your spouse and your kids),  identifying “pockets of time” (or a moment to get away on days off, early mornings, during nap time…etc), and then scheduling the time  for yourself (actually writing it down is a game changer).    I am a firm believer in SCHEDULING  time for myself and embracing the “mini moments” to fill my cup spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.  Spending time with Jesus, therapy, sun filled walks, sitting in silence in the car, daily affirmation using God’s word, lunch with friends, doing whatever makes you look and feel your best (my fave)…etc. It all counts! Whether 30 minutes, or a full weekend… Prioritize pouring into yourself!

2. Identify your own specific needs.

From childcare, to home schooling… being a working mom, mompreneur, corporate mom or SAHM… to  Hiring a chef, or a house keeper, or investing in the equipment to handle it yourself… get super clear about what you need and find your OWN FLOW! All schedules, routines, systems and lifestyles ARE NOT created equal. One size DOES NOT fit all. So you must get super clear about what you need. When you’re doing what’s best for you and your family, and let go of the need for approval from others… chiiii…. that’s freedom!

3. Ask for and accept support!

The more I do this work the more I realize that most moms feels overwhelmed and lack confidence as moms because they are trying to do it all by themselves. And sadly so many moms say that even with their best efforts, they feel like they’re falling short. Momma, let me free you with this NEWSFLASH… there’s no special reward or extra stimulus check coming because you’re trying to DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF!  Running yourself into the ground, is played out.  Believe me I speak from experience… Ask for support, accept it and allow those trusted loved ones (family, friends and YOUR HUSBAND) to pour into your life!

When you prioritize yourself as a mom, you show up more confidently, present and grounded as a mom, in your marriage, in your home and career! All the areas that matter most to you are impacted by how you care for yourself. So, take care… and prioritize yourself!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Married Life · Mommy Life · Self Care · Working Moms

“Selfish Sunday” + How to Reclaim Your Time as a Mom

Over the past 15 months, I’ve intentionally been creating space, and making the time to care for myself. Every single “Selfish Sunday” (i.e My personal Self Care Day to res, renew and revive myself), has been lit, and it’s been a game changer for how I show up as a mom!

I know we often talk about “filling our cups” as moms, but how many of us can say that we intentionally and consistently make the time to do just that.

We all know mom life is filled with SO MUCH for us to do, and when we continually push and push and push, without taking the time to recharge… it’s no wonder over 90% of millennial moms say they feel overwhelmed and burned out (Mother.ly survey)!

And believe me, I get it. I know what it’s like to feel completely overwhelmed. Like you’ve been thrown into the deep, but haven’t learned how to swim yet. YIKES, I know!

It all started about a year ago, after one of the lowest points in my mommy journey.  After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to put my exclusively  breastfed  baby to sleep that night, I’d reached my breaking point.

Now, It wasn’t my overtired little one that did it, although sleep has been a serious pain point for me. But  that moment was truly the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

You see, up until that point I’d been doing everything and showing up for everyone, but myself. Yes, I’d have a moment to myself here and there, but truly I’d taken on the “supermom” role doing it all alone, when I had people, including a whole husband, ready to support me.

Well that night, I was fading fast.  I could literally feel the tears and tension rising!

My husband came home right on time.  As soon as he walked into the room, I handed our little lady over and made my way to the bathroom. I’d barely closed the door when my knees dropped to the floor.  It was all so much, and I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed.  All I could do was cry out to God and say,

“If you don’t help me I’m not going to make it”.  I’d had enough of trying to do it all.

It was evident that I was running close to “empty”. I needed some serious  self-care, to fill my cup

I got up from the bathroom floor, tears still flowing, and felt led to call my sister for support. As a fellow momma, I just knew she would get it and would be able to speak into my life. She encouraged me, and told me how important it is for us as moms to take time away, especially during a pandemic. So I took her words to heart, grabbed a blanket and sat in the car outside of my home for 30 minutes to cry, pray and regroup. Yes, in my car and it was just what I needed.

In that moment, it was clear that I needed this time, and then some. And as soon as I walked back in the house, I told my husband I needed to take some time to get myself together. He was 100% on board. So I went to my family calendar, looked to see when my husband was off from work next, and scheduled a lunch date for myself… which just so happened to be the very next day 🙌🏾.

I pumped, and prepared everything hubby would need so that I could peacefully enjoy sometime by myself… and it was everything.  No phone, no agenda… I literally sat at the table, and stared at the green bush in front of my while I enjoyed my meal in silence. I can’t explain it, but it was amazing. I was only gone for a little over 2 hours, but I felt like a brand new mom when I came back home.  Since then, I’ve been on a serious mission to care for myself as a top priority in my life…yes as a whole mom.

✅ I’ve scheduled and enjoyed my “Selfish Sunday  every month for the past 15 months… and your girl is still going strong!

✅ I’ve also been able to “Find my time”… EVERY SINGLE DAY, to enjoy self-care using my  “Simplified Self Care Strategy” I share in my Self Care Guide… see below.  I told you all in a previous post, Showers and beauty maintenance are forms of self care for me.  Those “mini moments” they count and I enjoy them all!

✅ I am no longer obsessed with pleasing other, or trying to do it all alone. There ain’t no prize for running myself into the ground, and I refuse to wear overwhelm & burnout as some sort of VIP access badge for mom life. NO! I am learning how to ask for the support  that I need… and it’s been a game changer!

Listen, I’ve had to do the work, and it has always been worth it!

Selfcare in my life has gone from a once in a blue moon treat, to an EVERY DAY necessity. Yes, I find “mini moments” for myself everyday, in addition to the other ways I need to care for myself… spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally.

I’ve reclaimed my time. Self care has become my lifestyle. 

 I want the same for you.  It’s time to reclaim your time. It’s time to make yourself a top priority. Here’s a great place to start:

1 Get Familiar with your schedule.

Identify when you/your spouse have a day off and pre-plan to enjoy time for yourself that day.  That’s exactly how it all started for me. Start as small as you need to. I know we all want to disappear for a week… or even a month (lol), but for most of us that just is not possible in this season. What is possible, is for you to secure 30 min – 1 hour of time to disappear. Start there, and grow! I promise making this small step will help you to continue on!

2 Schedule Yourself!

Yes, as you identify moments in your schedule where you can slip away… (whether an ice cream break in the car, a lunch date with friends, or a weekend getaway)… take pen to paper and write it down. Use that “mini pocket assistant” (cell phone), and set all alarms, alerts, reminders and timers! It doesn’t matter if it is 30 minutes or a full weekend. Get Your Time, Momma! All those moments matter… so take advantage!

3 Ask for support!

You don’t have to do it all alone. Remember there is no special prize, or reward for driving yourself into the ground, trying to do it all  alone. Ask for the support you need and accept it when it is offered!  For my married mommas, I share a great deal about this in my post here it’s a must read… because Ain’t no way God intended for you to be married, but still feel like you’re single doing it all alone… and you have a whole husband! Sis!!!

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been on my heart, so I have to ask…

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you long overdue and in desperate need of some “me time“? Are you struggling to “find the time” for yourself with all the “demands” on your plate as a mom a wife, and in your career/business?  Do feel like you don’t have the help or support you need to care for yourself? You know you need some serious self care, and you’re ready to take radical action to prioritize yourself, and finally “fill your cup”?

If you’re sitting there, nodding your head, with the sound of your littles in the background, I have exactly what you need!

 

The Ultimate Self Care Guide for Busy and working moms!

5 simple steps to finally “find the time”, and unapologetically create & enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle of Radical Self Care… starting today!

Click To learn all about it!

 

 

Busy & working mommas I want to hear from you… How are you prioritizing yourself?  What do you do to help you show up confidently as a mom!? Share with me on social media…@theresa__Dennis    and be sure to share with a momma who needs this reminder!